You Can't Go Home Again
by famous99
Summary: An AU in season II. Seth is learning to cope without Ryan, but when Ryan returns, things still aren't the same.
1. Default Chapter

I got such positive feed back from Bullies & Bonding, I felt compelled to write the rest of the story. I hope it lives up to the original, though the level of angst just isn't there. I don't know if you have to read the first story to understand this one, but it's probably a good idea.

And thanks to Starlightx for acting as beta.

Don't rub it in, I don't own the O.C. or any of its characters.

* * *

Seth hated therapy. It surprised him, because it was no secret that he liked to talk. His parents were always telling him that he didn't stop running off the mouth. When his father had insisted on therapy, he had figured that paying someone to listen to him for an hour would be great fun. Someone would finally have to listen to him, and they couldn't roll their eyes at him or throw him dirty looks, because it would be unprofessional. Therapy should have been heaven for Seth Cohen, but instead it was pure hell.

He found, that sitting on the couch, talking to a virtual stranger, who was trying to probe at his innermost thoughts, was disconcerting. Dr. Berger was a cold fish, who didn't crack a smile at Seth's keen observations. He seemed disinterested when Seth enthusiastically explained the minutiae of the relationship between Kavalier and Clay. And he had a knack for asking questions that made Seth squirm in his seat, because he it meant delving into a part of himself he just didn't want to look at.

He swiveled in his computer chair, turning around and around until the room was spinning with him. He had promised his parents he would find a way to therapy on his own that afternoon. Sandy had to file a deposition on behalf of his grandfather and Kirsten had a meeting that would probably run long. He considered skipping, but knew that the Dr. Berger's office would contact one if not both of his parents and their lecture, disappointment, and subsequent grounding would be worse than the hour-long session. Besides, he hadn't forgotten his father's promise. As long as Seth was helping himself, he would work on bringing Ryan home.

It had been a month, and Seth was dying to bring the subject up with his father again, but just couldn't seem to find the right time. His grandfather had finally admitted the truth to everyone. He hadn't been bribing someone on the city counsel, but he was paying child support for his illegitimate child, a result of an affair while he was still married to his grandmother.

Lindsay, his aunt, had started classes at Harbor that fall. Seth had seen her around, but he didn't really know her. Sometimes they stopped to talk in the halls or met up at lunch, but it really was too weird. She was his aunt after all. He was her nephew. They were the same age. Chalk it up for another thing to talk about in therapy.

A ping sounded from the computer and the little IM screen popped up. Seth hopped it was Anna Stern. She usually e-mailed or IMed in the afternoon, when she got home from school.

ChipsRUs:

_Cohen, U R a real prick._

Seth stared at the screen. Chip Saunders was at it again. It was bad enough that they pushed, shoved, and mocked him at school, but now the members of the water polo team had somehow found his screen name and were targeting him at home. He didn't have safe haven anywhere. He started to get up, but the computer pinged again. He couldn't help it. His eyes slid to the screen.

ChipsRUs

_U better CYA if I land in Dr. Kim's office 1 more time._

Seth sighed. He sometimes wished he had kept his big mouth shut. Ms. Fisher and Dr. Kim had made it their personal crusade to end the problem of bullying at the Harbor school. Members of the water polo team could be seen parading in and out of the Dean's and guidance counselor's office on a daily basis. He suspected it had something to do with the law suit that Sandy had threatened to slap on the school if they didn't do something. His parents and teachers thought they were helping the situation, but they were only making it worse. The barrage of nasty comments, sneaky little shoves, and obvious punches in the gut had increased ten fold. He didn't tell his parents about it, even though they asked on a daily basis.

"How was school today, Seth? Did anyone do or say anything?"

He lied. But there were days that the signs were there for everyone to see.

_"Seth, what happened to your shirt? Rosa found it in the trash. It's torn."_

_"Oh. I got caught on a nail."_

_"Seth, this didn't happen from a nail."_

_He looked away._

_"Seth Cohen." Kirsten put a hand under his chin. "Did those boys do this?" She forced him to look into her eyes. He tried to lie, but she saw the truth and the next day there was another call to the school._

The computer pinged again. Seth looked again, the same way people gaped at dead bodies. They didn't want to, it was too awful to see, but at the same time they couldn't resist.

ChipsRUs

_4get Dr. Kim. Next time I get you alone Cohen you'll be FUBAR._

Seth wasn't sure what the acronym meant, but it didn't sound good. He glanced at his watch, and knew he better get going, or else he'd be late to his appointment. He threw one final glance at his computer and realized he was suddenly glad to be going to therapy.

Ryan wiped the sweat off his face with his undershirt. He needed to shave, but when he had moved to Chino he had stopped doing that every day. He usually let it grow until the weekend and then took it off before he went out, scouring the bars for a lay. The girls liked the innocent boy look he had when he was clean shaven. But on the construction job, he had to lose the look or risk being badgered about his age ten times more than he already was.

"Atwood," the foreman called. "Someone's here to see you."

Ryan looked up from the nail he was hammering, surprised that the Mike didn't sound more irritated with him. Mike almost sounded pleasant.

"Five minutes. Then I want you back on the job."

Ryan nodded. He'd make it three if he could. He wondered who it was, but wasn't surprised to see Sandy standing on the edge of the property.

Sandy took off his sunglasses and smiled at Ryan. "How're you doing, kid?"

"Pretty good."

"How's Theresa?"

"Doing better." To Ryan's surprise, Sandy glared at him. "What?"

"You're lying to me."

"No. I'm not. Really. She's doing better."

"How would you know how Theresa is? She's been in Atlanta since the beginning of September."

Ryan's stomach dropped. He'd been caught. He thought he could keep the game up, even when Sandy and Kirsten had started stepping up on their calls and visits. But they knew. The Cohens had found out that Theresa had moved to Atlanta after she had lost the baby and that he was living alone.

_"Seth told us about the baby, Ryan. I'm sorry," Kirsten told him on the phone the week after he had returned from Portland._

_"Thanks Kirsten. And thanks for all your support. You know the baby clothes and all. We… Theresa and I decided to give it to Charity. I hope you don't mind."_

_"Of course not." Kirsten paused. "Ryan, what are you still doing out there? Come home. Seth is home. You should be here too."_

_He brushed his hand against his scruffy chin and sighed. "Theresa needs me," he lied. "It's been really traumatic. The baby was, you know, already a baby. And she had to give birth to the dead fetus."_

_He had sat in the library doing research on late term miscarriages and had learned that women had to actually deliver their dead babies. It had made him shudder, sending a chill up his spine, even though the library's air conditioning was out of order. In truth, he hadn't seen Theresa since his return to Chino. He hoped her mother had been with her during the ordeal, but he couldn't be sure. When he had come to the house, Eva had informed him that she had moved to Atlanta for a fresh start. She had urged him to return to Newport, but Ryan couldn't face going back to the Cohens._

_"We need you here too," Kirsten said quietly. _

_Sandy grabbed the phone from his wife and had started some idle chit chat, ending the conversation with a reminder that he should at least sign up for night classes. Ryan had assured him that he would. But it had been another lie. He was too tired after work to go to school and he couldn't make it on his own if he didn't work._

"You know."

"I know."

Ryan's eyes slid to the ground. Sandy's entire face was a mask of fury. He should have known his lies would catch up with him eventually, but if they had known, then someone would have forced him back to Newport months ago.

"Was it so terrible living with us that you didn't want to come back?"

Ryan's head snapped up. "No! Last year was the best year of my life."

"Then why all the lies, Ryan? You didn't register for school. Theresa is in Atlanta. There's no baby. You're working a dead end job. You're all alone. Why the hell are you staying here when there's a family back in Newport waiting for you to come home?"

He said nothing and just shrugged.

"You better find a way to explain it, because I'm sure Kirsten will want to understand."

"You didn't tell her?"

"Not yet."

"Please don't tell her. She'll — she'll be really pissed at me."

"Really? And what am I?"

Ryan thought that Sandy looked like he wanted to hit something. Like he wanted to hit Ryan. He knew that would never happen, but Sandy definitely wore the look. He had seen it on lots of angry faces in the past, whether it was piss-drunk boyfriend or a piss-drunk bum at one of the pool holes he had started frequenting.

"You're angry too." Ryan leaned against the mesh gate, needing the support to stay on his feet. Every muscle in his body was twitching and his bones were shaking. His stomach was churning and he was afraid his bowels would let loose.

"You're coming back home," Sandy demanded. "We tried it your way. It didn't work. You didn't even try and keep up your end of the deal."

Ryan shook his head. He knew that this was coming. "I'm staying. This is where I belong."

"I'm not going to let you throw your life away. Once Theresa lost the baby, I never intended to allow you to stay indefinitely. I thought you would come to it on your own. If not, Kirsten and I had decided we would start pressing you around the holidays."

When the baby should have been born, thought Ryan.

"You're coming home today, Ryan."

"You can't make me."

"Yes I can." Sandy ticked off his fingers. "You're a minor and I'm your legal guardian. It's time you come home and it's time that you act like a kid again."

"Hey, Atwood. Five minutes are long up. Get back to work."

"Give me a minute," he called.

"He doesn't need a minute," Sandy shouted over Ryan's shoulder. "He's not going back to work for you."

Ryan glowered at Sandy.

"Hate me all you want, I'm doing what I should have done months ago."

The burly foreman stalked over to where they were standing and planted his hands on his hips. "Who the hell are you?" he spat. "And what the hell do you mean?"

Sandy didn't let the man's stance intimidate him, though Ryan suspected Mike could flatten Sandy with one punch. He stuck out his hand. "Sandy Cohen. I'm Ryan's legal guardian and attorney."

"Legal guardian? What is he, some kind of nut? Why does he need a guardian?"

"Because he's not yet eighteen."

The foreman choked on the phlegm he was hawking up. "What the hell?"

Ryan slid behind Sandy. "Sorry, Mike. I needed this job."

"Damn it kid. Now I'm down a man, and I've got a deadline. I should've known better." He waved a balled up at the clear blue sky and looking up, he continued, "It's the scruff. I knew you were trying to make yourself older. I knew this would bite me in the ass," he muttered and started to walk away. "You can come get what I owe you in ten minutes. I'll tell them to get a check ready."

"Thanks."

Sandy slipped a card into Mike's hand. "Have human resources send a check to Ryan to the address on that card. We're not waiting around."

Mike shrugged and stomped back to the site.

As soon as Mike was out of earshot he said, "Are you trying to get us killed?"

"He was perfectly pleasant."

Ryan rolled his eyes. "We'll probably never see that money."

"Don't worry. You'll get it." Sandy glanced at his watch. "We should be home in time for dinner, even if traffic gets real ugly."

Ryan wanted to firmly plant his feet to the ground and refuse, but he knew that Sandy meant what he said. He was going back to Newport. He didn't belong there. He didn't belong in Chino either. Ryan Atwood didn't know where he fit in, but Sandy wouldn't give him the chance to find out in his own way, not until his eighteenth birthday.

Two hours later, Sandy pulled up in front of the house, parked, shut off the ignition and got out of the car. He stopped when he realized Ryan wasn't following him.

"Come on," he urged.

"I thought you'd prep everyone."

Sandy shook his head. "Nope. This time around, I'm just going for the shock value."

Ryan blew out his breath, causing his bangs to fly up. He wasn't sure how Seth would react. He'd probably be glad to see Ryan. Glad to have his best friend back. But Seth had stopped e-mailing about six-weeks before, and he couldn't be sure. Ryan had checked his e-mail at the library nearly every day and has sent Seth a barrage of e-mails that went unanswered. Marissa wrote to him. Even Summer did. Both told him they saw Seth around at school, but that he didn't really hang out with them anymore. They didn't tell Ryan who he was hanging out with. He never thought to ask.

And as soon as Kirsten found out the entire story, she would be livid. He imagined she'd want to ground him or punish him in some way. But Ryan didn't care. He knew that he couldn't go back to his life in Newport and expect it to be the same. Marissa had made it clear that she was over him and that she had a new boyfriend. She just wanted to be friends. He and Summer had only been friends because of Seth and Marissa. And Luke was in Portland. He had not other real friends in Newport. So it didn't matter if he stayed in the pool house for the rest of the year.

"Come on, Ryan. They'll be thrilled to see you."

Reluctantly, Ryan got out of the car. "Only until you tell them everything."

"Probably. After that, I'd watch out for Kirsten. But you're too old for her to take over your knee, so you're safe from a spanking."

Ryan scowled.

They walked into the kitchen together. Seth was setting the table. Kirsten was cutting a salad. A pile of empty containers were scattered around the counter. She looked up to greet her husband as she heard him amble into the room, and stopped when she realized Ryan was there too.

Her face broke into a wide grin. "Ryan, you came for supper!"

"Ryan's home, Kirsten." Sandy's voice was quiet — nearly a whisper.

But Seth heard. He stopped what he was doing and looked up. He didn't say anything. He didn't smile. He didn't offer any clever remarks. He just waited to hear what would happen next.

"You're home?" Kirsten slowly put down the knife.

Ryan intently studied his hands. His fingernails were cut short, but still dirt and grit got stuck underneath from his work on the construction site. He'd have to scrub well to get it all out.

"Sandy?"

"I brought him home. It was time."

Kirsten came out from around the counter and threw her arms around Ryan. She hugged him tightly. He stood there at first, stiff, not sure what to do. Then gradually, he brought up his hands around her back and returned the hug.

"Look at that beard," she said when they let go. "It makes you look like your twenty-six instead of sixteen."

Ryan blushed.

"You must be starving. Go wash up. Seth you too. We can hear the whole story while we're eating." She didn't miss the apprehensive look Ryan threw at Sandy.

Ryan surveyed the pool house from his bed. Unlike the big house, it looked the same. His t-shirts, undershirts, and socks were neatly folded in the wicker shelves. His slacks and suits hung in the closet arranged by color and size. The room had always looked neat and orderly, but it always appeared lived in. Now it seemed sterile and unused.

He ran a hand through his hair. He couldn't stay here and yet he couldn't go. Dinner had been everything he had feared and worse. Kirsten's eyes had smoldered. If she had been one of Seth's cartoon characters, there would have been smoke coming out of her ears as he and Sandy deliberately revealed the details of Ryan's last two months in Chino.

He'd endured a lecture, waiting for Seth to insert an asinine comment. But Seth had just stared at his plate and poked at his food. Seth wasn't talking to him. Everything looked the same, thought Ryan, but he could tell nothing would stay the same. Especially his relationship with Seth. He'd already been sitting in the pool house for thirty minutes and Seth hadn't come to find him.

He was relieved when he finally saw Seth at the pool house door, hands thrust deep in his pockets, shoulders hunched, eyes cast to the ground and curls falling into his eyes. But he didn't come in. Last year, he had never been able to keep Seth out. He stared at Seth through the glass, but didn't wave him in. He didn't even know what he would say to Seth if his brother did come in. Seth stayed there for another few minutes and then turned on his heels to go back into the house.

Seth watched Ryan finger the folded shirts and hanging clothes in the closet. He stared as Ryan sat on the edge of his bed, stooped over, head between his knees. He wasn't sure why he didn't go into the pool house. This is what he had wanted for so long. He had wanted Ryan to come home, and now that Ryan was in their house, it felt and looked all wrong. He turned back to the house, throwing one last brief look over his shoulder and went back into the house and up to his room, where he had turned off the computer to stop the barrage of hate messages he kept receiving.


	2. 2

First of all, thanks for all the great reviews. And thanks to StarLightX for acting as Beta. All mistakes are still mine.

And I know I don't own the O.C. the little white pills keep me from being delusional.

* * *

Ryan was used to being up early after working construction for nearly six months. He no longer needed an alarm to wake up, but for the first time in months, he stayed in bed, curled between the smooth covers, not in a rush to go anywhere. He knew that Seth had probably left for school, but he stayed in bed anyway; glad to keep out of the way.

There was a knock on the pool house door.

"Come in," he called, though he wasn't in the mood to talk yet.

Kirsten walked in, with two mugs in her hand and a smile on her face. "Morning, sweety," she said. "I missed this."

He turned up the corners of his mouth into a smile and accepted the mug, pushing himself up into a sitting position. He put his nose in the cup, breathing in the aroma.

He had missed good quality coffee back in Chino. Most of the coffee he had tasted back in Chino was like black sludge.

"Thanks," he said again, after taking a sip that burned the back of his throat. He cradled the steaming mug between the palms of his hands and settled it on the top of his knees.

Kirsten, who was fully dressed in a sleek black business suit, sat back in one of the lounge chairs. "My pleasure. It's good to have you sleeping under our roof again. I haven't slept so well since before you left last May."

He lowered his gaze, studying the pattern on his sheets.

"Are you ready for school? Seth left already, but we have an appointment with Dr. Kim in a couple of hours."

He snapped his head up. "School?"

She laughed. "What did you think was going to happen when you came back home? Did you think you'd lounge around all day? That Sandy and I would conveniently forget the law which insists we send you to school?"

"No. But I — I'm going back to Harbor? I thought I would just go to Newport Union."

"You'd be bored in Newport Union. The classes you took last year were far more advanced than anything they can offer in Newport Union."

"I just need a degree," he mumbled, looking down again.

"No. You need to be stimulated. And besides, a degree from Harbor will open up a myriad of opportunities. You can go to any college in the USC —"

"I know. You gave me the same speech last year. I'm sorry," he said immediately. "I didn't mean to sound ungrateful. I just — I just think Newport Union would be a better idea. It's in middle of the semester and I'm sure they're used to having kids come in and out all the time. My high school in Chino was like a revolving door."

Kirsten brushed off an imaginary piece of lint off of her suit. "As far as Sandy and I are concerned, you have not exercised your best judgment these past few months. We feel going back to your old school will be the best thing. Too many schools on your high school transcripts will look bad."

Ryan sighed, resigned. He knew he was in no position to argue.

"Good." Kirsten stood, taking out a small brown paper bag that he hadn't noticed before. "We have to leave in forty-five minutes. You'll probably want to shower and shave." She threw the bag at him. "I wasn't sure if you had a razor."

He grinned sheepishly. "Thanks."

"I prefer my children to look their age." She briskly walked over to his bed and placed a gentle kiss on the top of his head. "See you inside." She was glad that he didn't flinch from her touch.

Ryan didn't move to get ready right away. He sat for a moment, fingering the brown paper bag. He couldn't imagine attending classes at The Harbor School again. It had been difficult the year before, but after the summer he had, he knew he could never go back.

In Chino, he was always the good boy. Sure he got into fights; it was a matter of survival in his old neighborhood. But he had never truly been one of the gang. He had never fit in with kids his own age, hanging out instead with Trey and his buddies. And they had tolerated him because he was Trey's little brother. In Chino, Ryan Atwood was the good boy. The smart boy who didn't live up to his potential.

He was the bad boy in Newport. The kid who started fights, who was always in the mix. The street-smart kid, who wore a wife beater, choker, and wrist cuff, and was always in the wrong place at the wrong time. Ryan had made an impression on Newport society, but mostly because he was an outsider trying to fit in. He had never truly found a place in Newport society, even if had started finding his place in the Cohen family.

Now that he was back at the Cohens', he wasn't sure of his place anymore. He would have to prove himself all over again. Prove that he wasn't just a teenage screw-up from the wrong side of the tracks that got girls knocked up as a hobby. Prove that he was someone worth giving a second — shit — he thought to himself — a fourth chance.

Within thirty minutes, Ryan was showered, shaved, and dressed in his school clothes. He felt stiff and uncomfortable; in what was dressy compared to his daily uniform at the construction site. He walked into the kitchen, holding his empty mug, and was surprised to see both Sandy and Kirsten sitting at the kitchen table, bent over their mugs of coffee and plate of bagels, talking quietly.

"Hey." He walked over to the sink and rinsed out his mug. "You didn't both have to stay home for me."

"Of course we did. Besides," said Sandy. "I left the firm when I took Caleb's case." He waved Ryan over. "Come have a bagel. They're fresh."

Ryan put his mug into the dishwasher and hesitantly walked over to the table, as if he were going before judge and jury. He slipped into a seat next to Sandy, who promptly placed an arm around Ryan's shoulders. Kirsten placed a plate in front of him and pushed the cream cheese from the center of the table.

"It's good to have you home, kid."

Ryan nodded, but said nothing.

Kirsten glanced at her watch, not missing Ryan's silence. "Eat up, Ryan. We need to head out in five-minutes or we'll be late for our appointment."

Not really hungry, Ryan dutifully broke off a piece of the bagel and popped it in his mouth, without spreading anything on it. He chewed slowly, his eyes darting back and forth between Sandy and Kirsten, trying to figure out their wordless conversation. His stomach was in knots, rebelling from even the small taste of bagel he had consumed, as he tried to once again figure out his place in the Cohen home.

Sandy and Kirsten had never really questioned his judgment before, with the exception of the Oliver incident. He wasn't sure what it was the Cohens expected from him. He didn't know what to do to make it right with them.

He finished chewing and swallowed the last bit of bagel in his mouth. He made no move to take another bite, and just sat looking at his hands, trying to ignore the churning in his stomach.

Kirsten slapped her hands against the table and used the momentum to push her chair away from the table. "Ready to go?"

"Let's roll," Sandy agreed. He grabbed the cream cheese and put it in the fridge.

Twenty minutes later, they were waiting outside of Dr. Kim's office. Sandy sat, tapping his foot to a song in his head. Kirsten was sending e-mail messages using her Blackberry and Ryan sat between them, slouched in his seat, wishing he were back on the construction site.

"Good morning, Mr. and Mrs. Cohen." Dr. Kim came out of her office.

Sandy immediately stood and Kirsten thrust her Blackberry back into her purse.

"Dr. Kim, thank you for meeting with us on such short notice." Sandy stretched out his hand and she took it.

"I'm more than pleased." She turned to Ryan and smiled which was a rarity for the stern dean of students. "Welcome back, Ryan. I was sorry not to see your name on the register this fall." She waited a beat for a response, but when she got none, she said, "Please step into my office. I asked Ms. Fisher, Ryan's guidance counselor from last year to join us in a few minutes."

Sandy and Kirsten glanced at each other with hopefully. Each took a seat in the plush straight-backed chairs in the dean's office. Ryan took the remaining wooden chair. It was like being in Dr. Kim's office after he had broken into the file room. But this time he wasn't in trouble. Dr. Kim was smiling at him; glad to see him even.

"It's not that we won't accept Ryan. We'd love to have him as a student again. I know there were a few rough bumps last year, but he proved himself in many ways. He finished the year with an impressive GPA. But from what I understand, Ryan hasn't been in school all these months."

"That's true," concurred Kirsten.

"I'm concerned that whatever issues kept him away from school will follow him." She looked expectantly at Ryan.

He didn't want to meet her gaze. But he felt a slight kick at his right ankle, and knew that Sandy and Kirsten were expecting him to talk for himself.

"It's over. It won't follow me."

"I don't want to get too personal Ryan, but is there anything I have to know."

He looked at his hands. He still had dirt and grit under his nails. It would probably take days until he got it all off.

"I don't think so. It's a closed chapter."

Dr. Kim realized she wasn't going to get anything else out of the teenager and decided it was best not to press. There had been enough trouble with the Cohens' other son, and she knew she would have to bend over backwards to make it right with this very prominent Newport family. She knew they had seriously considered pulling Seth from their school and didn't want to give them any excuse to follow through on their threat.

Folding her hands in front of her, sitting ramrod straight in her chair, Dr. Kim continued. "Ryan, you've missed the first marking period. I know it's early to think about this, but unless you attend summer school, you won't be able to advance to the next grade or graduate with your class next year. The state of California does not allow us to promote you unless you've been in school a minimum number of days. Even with summer school, we're going to have to do some juggling to make sure you have enough credits to finish with the rest of his class."

Ryan pursed his lips. He would do whatever they told him to do. He knew that he had no choice. Sandy and Kirsten had both made that very clear to him. He was in their hands. He wasn't sure it was a bad thing.

"We understand, Dr. Kim." Sandy answered when Ryan didn't. He crossed his legs. "I'm sure, like us, Ryan wants to make his education his first priority."

"I know it's been a difficult year for your family, but I hope that Ryan can settle in and do some great things." She fixed her gaze on Ryan. "You've proved that you're capable in the past and that you are Harbor School material. I trust you will do the same this year."

"Yes, thank you," he mumbled when he felt another slight kick to his ankle.

Sandy resisted the urge to tell a surly looking Ryan to sit up straight; he would save his sharp words for when it counted. And the messages he was sending his foster son under the table were being answered. He knew that taking Ryan's choice away, compromising his independence was difficult for the teenager to swallow, but Sandy was sure he had done the right thing. But watching him in this office, sullen and distant, Sandy knew that something was bothering his foster son. He just didn't know where to start and how to get through. He didn't know where or how to start rebuilding the trust that Ryan had lost in him, when he had let him leave for Chino in the beginning of the summer.

"Ryan, do you have any questions before I ask Ms. Fisher to come in to discuss your program."

"Wouldn't it be better if I just start next semester?"

Dr. Kim laughed. "The first marking period just ended. The next marking period doesn't end until January 21. You haven't missed that much work for this quarter. Like I said, we'll work on making up the first quarter. Perhaps we'll squeeze in an extra class or two with a zero period. I'll leave that up to Ms. Fisher. Besides, the state wouldn't look too kindly on your being absent from school any longer. We wouldn't want the Cohens to face the law because you aren't attending school."

"No," he agreed, taking his eyes off the carpeted floor. "And thank you." He wasn't sure why Dr. Kim was being so nice. She certainly didn't have to.

Seth spied his parents leaving Dr. Kim's office. He didn't want to run into them. They might ask why he wasn't in class. But if he turned back, Coach Ash might ask why he wasn't heading for the nurse. Chip and the rest of the water polo team had no one else to pick on that day but him, so he had pretended to trip over the bleachers and told the coach he thought he had twisted his ankle. The dubious expression on the coach's face told Seth that he wasn't much of a liar, but it seemed the coach didn't want a lawsuit on his hand, so he had sent him to the nurse in case Seth really was hurt.

Sandy would be angry at Seth for trying to avoid the situation and for not addressing the problem, but Seth was just plain tired of the constant name calling, and elbows in his gut as he followed the soccer ball around the court. If someone were just walking by, unaware of the situation, they would assume each little incident was an accident. Chip and his friends had a knack for making their attacks look innocuous.

He studied his options and realized there weren't any empty classrooms to duck into or another route he could take. He was either going to pass his parents or piss off the coach. At that moment, Seth was less afraid of his parents. Taking a deep breath, he limped down the hall, continuing the charade he had started with the coach, and pretended he didn't notice his parents.

"Seth?" Kirsten stopped her son with an outstretched hand. "You're not going to say hello to your mother?"

"Sorry." He forced a laugh. "I didn't even see you. What are you doing here?"

"Registering Ryan for school. Why aren't you in class?"

Thinking quickly, he flashed his hall pass at his parents. "Running an errand for a teacher." He bobbed up and down on the balls of his feet. "So, I didn't get to speak to Ryan yet. How is he?"

"Okay," answered Kirsten. "He seems uncertain about things. Hesitant. It's going to be a tough adjustment period for all of us."

"Yeah. Well. I better run that errand for my teacher. See you at home." He continued down the hall, remembering his limp as he arrived at the nurse's office.

"It's not broken," the nurse informed him. "It doesn't even look sprained."

"I just wanted to put it up and ice it. Is that okay?"

"Seth, this is the third time this month you've been in here during PE. Last time you ran into a locker. The other time it was some other inane excuse. And while I might believe you're a klutz, there's never any evidence of injury. Your ankle isn't even sore to the touch."

"I just need to put my foot up," he insisted.

The nurse sighed. "Are you avoiding someone? Do you need to speak to the guidance counselor?"

He shook his head. "Please, just let me sit here for the rest of the period." He pleaded. He hated begging, he just couldn't face going back to the gym.

With a sigh, the nurse nodded her head. "This is the last time. Next time you come in here during PE, I'm going to talk to your guidance counselor and we'll get to the bottom of the real problem."

He sank back into the chair and propped up his foot onto the stool she shoved next to his foot. A minute later she handed him an ice pack. They always made the charade look good.

Seth trudged into the cafeteria and looked around for a familiar face. He knew Marissa and Summer had lunch a different period, but Lindsay sometimes shared lunch with him when she wasn't studying in the library. And it was his luck that half the water polo team shared his lunch period. If they were around, his lunch would probably end up splattered on the floor. It was a stupid, juvenile prank, but they seemed to get a kick out of it. But when the food splattered all over his shirt, and slacks, and shoes or when he had to bend down and wipe it off the floor, the rush of humiliation would sweep over him and he would wish the ground would just swallow him up.

Seth considered skipping lunch, but his stomach rumbled and he didn't think he could hold out until three thirty when he got home. So he walked straight to the concession stand and got onto the back of the line. To his surprise, he was standing behind Ryan.

"Hey." He was glad to see his foster brother, but with all the longing he had felt, Seth thought there would be more joy.

"Hey," Ryan answered.

"So we share the same lunch period."

Ryan shrugged. "I guess."

Seth nodded. When Ryan didn't offer anything he asked, "How's it to be back?"

Ryan shrugged again.

"Can I see your schedule?"

Ryan dug into this pocket, pulled out a crumpled paper and handed it to Seth without a word. Seth scanned the computer-generated schedule. His stomach lurched when he realized that he and Ryan shared PE as well as lunch. He wondered if it would help things or not at all. Would the jocks stop harassing him now that Ryan was back in school? Was it fair to expect Ryan to protect him all the time? If the jocks continued bothering him, could he face having Ryan witness his utter shame?

"We share PE," Seth shared. "But that's it. Your schedule is pretty packed."

"I have to make up credits for last marking period."

"Oh."

Seth didn't know what to say. He didn't know how to talk to Ryan all of a sudden. Last year, he had no problem talking to his best friend. His problem had been that he didn't know how to stop talking. How had things changed so much in so short a time?

They walked through the lunch line and filled their trays with food. They paid the cashier and then weaved through the tables until they found empty seats. Wordlessly, they sat down across from each other and bent over their plates and picked at their food. Seth peered at Ryan over his drink.

"So… um… what would you be doing now? I mean… if… you were in Chino."

"Working."

Seth moved his head up and down. His mouth was dry and scratchy, as if it were full of cotton. Words failed him, something he wasn't used to.

"Looking forward to going back to school?"

Ryan tilted his head and cocked his brows.

"Right." He had forgotten about Ryan's ability to convey everything with just a look. He pushed the food around his plate, suddenly not so hungry. He scanned the room, and didn't notice any jocks around. Not the ones who were giving him a hard time, anyway. "I'm going to the library to finish up some homework."

"Okay." Ryan watched Seth get up and take his tray. "Um, Seth, can I ask a favor?"

"Yeah. Sure. Anything."

"I sort of left the house without any supplies."

"Huh?"

"I need to go to class next period and I don't have any paper or a pen."

Smiling for the first time in days, Seth dug through his bag for some extra supplies that he could share with his brother.


	3. 3

_Disclaimer: I don't own anything, except for my very dirty car._

_Thanks to StarLightX for doing a read through to catch my mistakes! And please review if you're so inclined._

* * *

Grateful that it was the last period of the day, Ryan stopped in the doorway of the classroom and looked around the room for an empty seat. Students were huddled together, talking quietly, and unpacking their books. Ryan felt stupid. He only had a couple of pieces of paper and a pen. He didn't look prepared for the rigors of the Harbor School and the class he was about to attend. He thought about turning around and just going home when someone tapped his shoulder.

"You're either in or out."

"Oh. S - sorry," he stammered. Ryan stepped into the classroom caught off guard by the man who was obviously his teacher.

"You must be the new student I just found out about. I'm Mr. Green."

The teacher was short and stout, with longish brown hair. Like many of the teachers at Harbor, he was dressed in a dark blue suit and a matching tie. He looked ready for one of Newport's famous charity functions. Back when he went to school in Chino, it was difficult to differentiate between the students and teachers. The teachers were always casual, wearing jeans, tee shirts, and sneakers. And they were so young that they hardly looked older than the seniors.

"Um. Yeah," Ryan agreed. "I'm Ryan Atwood."

"Well, Ryan you can take the empty seat over there." He motioned to an empty chair next to a studious looking girl with long red hair. Her head was buried in a book and she was wearing horn-rimmed glasses that fell to the tip of her nose. She was gnawing on her bottom lip, and the tip of her pencil was poised over a book. Ryan slipped into the seat next to her and she barely took notice until the teacher called the class to order.

"Okay, settle down. We have a lot to cover today. But first, down to business. We have a new student in our class. Let's welcome Ryan Atwood."

A murmur ran through the class. Ryan bowed his head. He recognized a couple of the kids, but that was all. He had taken a general track in his sophomore year and hadn't focused on math and science, but after hearing he had worked construction all summer, Ms. Fisher insisted he should try this track that it would ensure him a career in architecture or something similar.

"Okay, I'm going to reassign lab partners. Mr. Atwood actually rounds out the numbers so that this class has an even number. Mr. Shields, good news, you no longer have to be a third wheel."

A titter ran through the class.

"Mr. Shields and Ms. Jacobs can partner up. Ms. Gardner, I'd like you to partner with Mr. Atwood. And if you have time, perhaps you can help him catch up with what he's missed, because he's three weeks behind in this course."

Ryan looked around the room, hoping he'd figure out who Ms. Gardner was, when the girl next to him tapped his arm. "I'm Ms. Gardner," she whispered. "Lindsay."

"Oh. Thanks. I'm Ryan."

But a stern look from Mr. Green ended their conversation.

When the bell rang, signaling the end of the day, there was a mad dash for the door as students hoped to be the first ones out of the school building and into the parking lot. Ryan folded his papers and tucked them into his back pocket and stuffed his pen their too.

"You don't look like you're very prepared for school," said Lindsay.

Ryan shrugged. "I – I wasn't expecting to be here. I thought I'd just be meeting with Dr. Kim."

They ambled out into the hall, staying clear of the rushing teens. They walked out of the building, squinting as the bright daylight hit their eyes. Lindsay headed for the parking lot and realized Ryan wasn't following. He stopped in middle of the road and was looking around. He wasn't sure who or what he was looking for. Seth was nowhere in sight and Sandy and Kirsten had each taken their cars when they left Ryan in school. He wasn't sure how he should get back to the Cohens'. It was too far to walk in the heat. And he didn't have his bike.

"Do you have a ride home?" Lindsay asked. She put her hand over her eyes to shield them from the sun.

Ryan shook his head. "I'll just walk or take a bus."

"I've got a car. It's not like these," she waved her hands around the shiny SUVs and sports cars. "But it starts most of the time."

"I wouldn't want you to go out of your way."

"How do you know it's out of my way?" Ryan told her where he had to go and she said, "I know where that is. My sister lives around there." She stopped suddenly and stuck a thumbnail in her mouth. Ryan wasn't sure why, but the comment made her nervous somehow. Maybe she didn't like her sister very much.

"Well, if you don't mind, I'll take you up on the ride."

He followed her to her car and hid his surprise at the rusty white vehicle; obviously, Lindsay wasn't a trust fund babe. She was probably a scholarship student, but that didn't make sense if she had a sister who lived in the same gated community as the Cohens.

"So, how come you're only starting school now?" Lindsay put her hand on the back of Ryan's headrest and turned her body halfway as she backed out of the parking spot.

Ryan breathed in sharply, aroused by Lindsay's round full breasts that were made more obvious in her current position. He looked away, hoping that his arousal didn't become too obvious.

"I – I was away," he answered.

Lindsay waited for more, but realized she wasn't going to get any. "You probably have lots to catch up on."

Ryan wished he hadn't agreed to the ride. He should have realized that it would come with excessive chatter. But he couldn't be rude, and he was grateful not to have to take the three mile trek to the Cohen's home.

"Yeah. Ms. Fisher told me not to count on any leisure time over Thanksgiving break. But in Harbor there's never any downtime."

Lindsay smiled. She had a pretty smile. Her shiny white teeth lit up the car.

"Are you new in Harbor?" Ryan steered the conversation away from himself. "I don't remember you from last year."

"I'm a transfer student. It's a lot easier to get into Yale from a prep school like Harbor."

Here she was, the same age as him with dreams about college and the ivy league, when two days ago, he was considering if he could afford to buy a new pair of work boots after he paid his rent and utilities.

She paid no attention to Ryan's silence and filled it in with idle chit chat until she turned into the gated community where the Cohens lived.

"So which street?"

"531 Hill."

The thumbnail was back in her mouth. "You're Ryan."

He rolled his eyes. "I thought we covered that back in school."

A nervous giggle burst from her lips, it pierced the air like a shrill ring of the phone in absolute silence.

"I mean, you're Ryan, who lived with the Cohens last year. I saw your picture on the fridge. Kirsten keeps it there."

"How do you know Kirsten?"

Lindsay took a deep breath. "She's my sister."

Ryan's forehead wrinkled in concentration as he tried to process what Lindsay meant; as far as he knew, Kirsten's only sister was Hailey. But Lindsay seemed to know he was. He had noticed the Chrismukkah picture hanging on the fridge the other night.

"I guess they didn't fill you in?"

He shook his head.

"Well, apparently, my mom and Caleb Nichol had an affair seventeen years ago. And then there was moi. I just found out a few weeks ago. Suddenly, I've got a dad, who doesn't acknowledge me, a stepmom and a stepsister who hate me, and two half sisters. I talked to Hailey once and I've e-mailed her a couple of times. I'm not sure what she thinks. But Kirsten seems to want to get to know me, to forge some sort of relationship.

"Wow. I had no idea. They never said anything." He wondered why Sandy had dragged him back if there was so much drama going on. He scratched the back of his head. "So you're Seth's aunt."

"Yours too."

His head snapped up.

"Kirsten told me she had two sons." Lindsay's voice dropped as she sensed that Ryan wasn't entirely comfortable with the direction the conversation had taken. "There's Seth and there's Ryan. She just told me you were figuring things out for a while, but she hoped you would be home by the holidays."

"She called me her son?"

"Why do you seem so surprised?" She pulled up alongside the Rover and put her car in park.

He shrugged. "Whatever." He unbuckled the seatbelt. "Thanks for the ride."

"I think I'll come in and say hi."

"Oh. Okay."

If Lindsay weren't trailing him, Ryan would have ducked around the back of the house and straight to the pool house. Instead, he used his key to open the front door and let her walk in front of him. She led him into the kitchen, where Kirsten was sitting at the table, a steaming mug at her side, and large blueprints spread around her.

She looked up and smiled. "Lindsay. Ryan. You've met?"

"Ryan and I are lab partners. I drove him home."

"Seth didn't wait for you? I left him the Range Rover. Sandy took me home." She shook her head. "He was meant to wait for him."

"Um, I didn't see him."

"I'm sorry, Ryan. I would have come to pick you up."

"It's okay. I had a ride. No harm done."

"So." Kirsten looked at her hands. "I guess Lindsay filled you in. I'm sorry. I didn't have a chance to tell you myself."

"Oh. The sister thing? Yeah, Lindsay told me."

Ryan stood awkwardly in middle of the kitchen. Last year, after a day of school, he would help himself to juice and snacks. The Cohens always kept a well stocked fridge and pantry. But he didn't feel like he was at home anymore; that he had the right to open their fridge and help himself to some food. What he wanted to was to make a break for the pool house, where he could be out of the way, but Lindsay was standing in his path and it would be too obvious if he tried to leave.

"I know it's strange. Lindsay and I are still trying to wrap our heads around it and feel our way to a comfortable relationship."

"More like fumble," Lindsay interjected with a short little laugh.

Kirsten smiled indulgently. "But we're doing okay. Right?"

Lindsay's lips curled into a grin. "I think so." But Ryan saw her thumbnail go straight for her mouth again. He wondered if she had drawn blood yet. "Is Seth home? I didn't see him today. I can go say hi."

"He's in his room."

Ryan didn't miss the disheartened note in Kirsten's voice. Her eyes followed Lindsay as her figure receded from the kitchen. He finally had a free path to the door and he was nearly there when Kirsten's voice stopped him.

"How were the classes you went to?"

"Okay."

"Do you think you'll be able to handle the workload? Ms. Fisher crammed quite a schedule."

"It's fine."

"Well, what about supplies?" She stood up and rolled up the blueprints. "We need to buy your school books. And you'll need a book bag, notebooks, pens, a calculator—" Her voice turned crisp and efficient as Kirsten did what she did best, organize and make lists.

"I can do all of that."

"No. I want to do it with you. It'll give us time to spend together. We can also shop for new school clothes."

"The stuff from last year is fine. Really, Kirsten, go back to work. You were in middle of something."

"Nonsense. I was just waiting for you to come home. Why don't you go get Seth and ask Lindsay if she wants to come along?"

Ryan tilted his head and cocked his brows; the look that Seth used to say conveyed everything. But it went right over her head. He didn't move right away, until she waved her hands towards the stairs, and Ryan saw she was serious at which point he was tempted to mutter something about asking Sandy to join so it would be a complete family affair. He bit his tongue and walked heavily up the stairs to do what he was told.

Lindsay was sitting on Seth's bed, rifling through his CD collection. Seth was on his computer, pecking at the keyboard with two fingers.

"Um, Seth, your mom wants us all to go shopping. You too Lindsay."

Seth swiveled around in his chair. "Shopping?"

Ryan sighed. "I need books and supplies and apparently new clothes."

Seth's mouth spread into a grin. It was the first one Ryan had seen since he had come back. "Mom shops when she's happy."

"Yeah. But I don't."

"I guess we need to humor her after what we put her through this summer. She'll be back to her workaholic self in no time." Seth turned towards his bed. "You in Aunt Lindsay?"

"Not if you keep calling me aunt." She pulled out her cell phone. "I better check in with my mom."

"Seth, I was hoping you'd help me get out of this," Ryan said desperately.

"And cross The Kirsten? I think not. Hey, it's not like she's going to buy you underpants."

Ryan scowled.

"Seth, stop picking on Ryan," Lindsay ordered with the phone still to her ear.

"Yes, Aunt Lindsay."

She threw a pillow at him.

For the first time in months, Seth felt happy. He knew it was cruel to help Kirsten coerce a shopping excursion on Ryan, but a family outing might be fun. It might be just the thing to jump start his family back to normal. Whatever normal was.

"Boys," Kirsten called from the bottom of the stairs. "Lindsay. Are you ready?"

Ryan threw one more pleading look at Seth to no avail.

They returned in time for dinner, laden with overflowing bags. Kirsten had invited Lindsay to eat with them, but her mother wanted her at home. Ryan dropped the bags by the back door, too tired to carry them any further. A day at the construction site hadn't worn him out as much as a few hours of shopping. They had picked up all his required textbooks, new school supplies, and then Kirsten had insisted on going to South Coast Plaza to add to his wardrobe. With a sly wink to Ryan, Seth had started to whine, until Kirsten appeased him with some new games for the play station and a few new Graphic Novels.

Ryan had to laugh. When Seth had avoided him the night before, he had assumed that he was mad at him. But it seemed that Seth hadn't changed. He was always trying to get something from his parents. For Seth it wasn't about what he got, but the process of the manipulation.

Sandy was at the counter, chopping onions. "Have fun?"

Kirsten turned to the boys. "We did." It sounded like more of a question.

"Yeah, it was," Ryan agreed, hoping to save a floundering Kirsten. In the presence of his father, Seth had suddenly shut down again. "And thanks for all the stuff, Kirsten."

Sandy threw the chopped onions into a pan of hot oil. It hissed and jumped. "Oouch." Sandy put his arm to his mouth. "That hurt." But he moved back towards the pan and pushed the onions around. "Hey, Seth can you hand me the chicken strips?"

Seth handed the plate to his father.

"Can I help?" Ryan asked.

"Yeah. Put your bags away and then set the table. Dinner will be ready in twenty minutes."

Warily, Ryan did as he was told. He was trying to find his rhythm again with the Cohens. But he found that with every step he took the beat changed.

Sandy waited until he saw Ryan was nearly at the pool house before he said anything to Seth. "How was this afternoon?"

"Okay."

"So you got to hang out with Ryan? How was that? Was it all right?" Sandy motioned for the salt and pepper.

"It was cool."

"Good. I'm glad." Sandy searched for the words he needed with his son.

Before he could find them, Seth asked, "Um, Dad, please don't tell Ryan about Dr. Berger."

"Of course. When you're ready—"

"No. I'm not going to tell him. And he's not going to find out about any of the shit that's been going on."

"Seth, don't say—"

"Yeah. Yeah, Mom, don't say shit. Sorry."

Sandy's eyes turned dark. "I know things have been hard, but that attitude ends now."

"Fine." Seth knew he was being a brat. He just didn't care.

"We'll respect your wishes, Seth."

He looked at his mother. "Thanks."

"Go put your things away and then come help Ryan set the table."

Dinner was a quiet affair. There were no attempts at jokes about Sandy's cooking or Kirsten's lack of culinary skills. It was as if all the humor had been sucked out of the room. Seth kept his head down, concentrating hard on the chicken. Sandy was pumping Ryan for information about the classes he had attended. What did he think about Lindsay? Was he shocked about the turn of events? Ryan answered in his usual quiet way, using as few words as possible, hoping they wouldn't lead to any more questions.

Finally, the painful ordeal was over. Seth and Ryan wordlessly worked side by side rinsing and stacking the dishes into the dishwasher. The smell of onion and garlic lingered in the airs as did the oppressive discomfort between them.

For a moment that afternoon Ryan had thought that things might be okay. Maybe he'd find a comfortable equilibrium at the Cohens' and at school. Maybe he'd find a place, if only Seth would talk to him and be like they were last year.

When Ryan had first come to stay at the Cohens', Sandy had mentioned he had a son Ryan's age and he wasn't sure what to expect. He thought Seth would be stuck-up, a rich preppy nerd, who had no use for Chino trash. But instead Seth had been open, hopeful, and had put Ryan at ease. For the first time since… forever, Ryan had not felt like had to put on a façade.

Ryan snuck a sideways look at Seth. For whatever reason, Seth no longer wanted the friendship. He was barely talking to him and Ryan knew that with out Seth he had no place in the Cohen family.

Seth slunk off the moment they were done with the dishes and escaped to his room. His parents were handing out chores, something they had barely done before as if odd jobs around the house would make them a normal family again. For a moment he had thought that they could do it – be normal that is. He and Ryan were kidding around in the car. Lindsay had joined in the fun. Kirsten had refereed a number of (good-natured) arguments. But the moment he was home again, with Sandy, Seth remembered that it couldn't be okay.

Seth flipped on his computer immediately clicking on the instant messaging icon and signing off. It meant that he couldn't IM Anna, but at least he got a break from the constant harassment. There were e-mails too, but he could erase those without reading the jabs and threats.

"I had a good time with them this afternoon." Kirsten snuggled against Sandy. She ran a hand over his face. It felt scratchy like sandpaper. "But what happened? They came home and Seth shut down like a brick wall, and then Ryan clammed up even more." Kirsten sighed. "I just want everything to go back to normal."

Sandy rubbed Kirsten's back, hoping to soothe her. He buried his face in her downy hair, breathing in the scent of violets and roses, Kirsten's choice of shampoo.

"I think Seth is afraid Ryan is going to find out about what was going on."

"You mean the harassment at school?"

"Mmmhhhmm."

"And if he did?"

"Seth is obviously embarrassed by it. Have you noticed how he can barely look me in the eye? As if I think of him differently because kids are picking on him."

"Do you?" Kirsten propped herself on one elbow.

"What? How could you even think it? Of course not."

"I was just asking," she said softly.

"I was _never_ that type of dad. I never asked Seth to be a jock. I only wanted him to be himself. I always encourage him to be who he is." His voice had turned hard and Kirsten could feel Sandy bristle.

She sighed. "I know that. I didn't mean to imply — but I've seen how he shuts down around you, and I don't understand it. Maybe we need to discuss it with Dr. Berger."

"I love our kids."

"And you're a great dad. I'm sorry that I implied otherwise." She wrapped her arms around Sandy's waist and nuzzled her nose in his neck, breathing in the scent of Irish Spring soap and cologne. "I love you."


	4. 4

Thanks for being so patient with me. I've been having writers block and then every once in a while RL intercedes. You know they actually want me to work for that paycheck they give me twice a month. Go figure.

And Josh, if you saw my pay check you'd know that I don't own the O.C. or any of it's characters. I harbor no delusions.

Thanks again to TwirlGirlX for proofing. And I soappreciate everyone's reviews. It keeps me going.As another author so eloquently put it, those of you who are silently reading please feel free to let me know what you think.

* * *

Thanksgiving passed and you could feel the holiday spirit in the air. A Christmas tree was put up at the pier as well as an oversized menorah. Multi-colored lights were strung around the railings. The holiday shopping rush had started, but Seth made no mention of presents. He never brought up Chrismukkah and Kirsten was worried.

The boys had fallen into an uneasy routine. They went to school together, either using the Range Rover or getting a ride. They came home together, unless Seth had an appointment with Dr. Berger, but she didn't see them sharing the mornings and afternoons like they used She knew Seth had told Ryan that he had joined a club at school, but she saw the dubious expression Ryan wore when Seth described his comic book club activities.

Kirsten missed Team Ryan and Seth. She missed their begging for a curfew extension. So it was Seth who usually did the begging, but Kirsten had learned to look at Ryan's eyes. By reading Ryan she had been able to tell if he really wanted the later curfew or if he was just going along for Seth's ride. She missed their PlayStation marathons. If Ryan played Seth was nowhere near and if Seth was playing, Ryan was in the shadows. Each existed in the Cohen house on their own. Team Seth and Ryan was becoming a distant memory.

Lately, Ryan had become a homework geek. His head was always buried in a book. He studied at the breakfast table. He had a book open while preparing supper or setting the table. He said there was a lot of work to make-up, but insisted that the load was not too overwhelming. Kirsten thought he was hiding behind his school work so he didn't have to deal with the fact that Seth barely talked to him.

She had asked Seth about it the week before when she had picked him up from his session with Dr. Berger.

"Is everything all right between you and Ryan?"

"Sure." He didn't elaborate, but just leaned his head back on the head rest and fiddled with his I-Pod.

Kirsten hated the gadget, because lately Seth used it to tune her out. She resisted the urge to rip the headphones from his ears, and instead put a hand on his chin and turned his face towards her. She motioned at his ears and Seth reluctantly removed them. But he turned from her refusing to meet her eyes.

"This entire summer and fall, all you asked was that we bring Ryan home. Now he's home and you're ignoring him." He didn't answer. "Seth, look at me. I need you to talk to me. You and Ryan were best of friends. You ran away because Ryan chose to leave our family."

"You let him leave," he hissed. He felt the tears prickling at the corner of his eyes. He lifted his shoulder and bent his head slightly to wipe them away before his mother could see he was crying.

"Yes," she agreed. "We let him leave. We thought it was the right thing to do. You know, your dad and I are human. We make mistakes. Letting Ryan leave was a huge mistake. We've all paid for it. But you're not helping us ease back into a routine."

"I don't know what you want from me."

"If it weren't for you, I probably would never have invited Ryan into our home. You were invested in having him stay. But Seth, if it weren't for you, I don't think Ryan would have wanted to be part of our family. Has something changed? Are you angry with him for leaving; for choosing Theresa over our family?"

Seth shrank in the supple leather seat and played with the knobs on his I-Pod. He suddenly wished he was holding Captain Oats. His toy horse brought him comfort and gave him confidence. Confidence he could use at the moment, because he wasn't sure what to tell his mother. He felt his mother knead his shoulder. She was trying to reassure him, like when he was small child. But he shrugged her off.

When he didn't answer, Kirsten asked what was really on her mind. "Are you afraid that Ryan's going to find out that you were being bullied while he was away?"

Seth didn't say anything. He didn't miss the fact that his mother used the past tense. She thought the bullying had stopped. She didn't realize that it was just as bad as it ever was. As much as he wanted to keep Sandy and Kirsten in the dark about what was happening, what he feared most was that Ryan would find out. Ryan would think he was a wimp. Ryan would think Seth needed his protection. Ryan would start punching and fighting and get into trouble that could land him back in Juvie. All because Seth couldn't stand up for himself.

"Seth, won't you talk to me?"

"Can we just go home?" He put the earphones back on and turned his face to the cool glass. "I have a lot of homework to do."

She hadn't been anymore successful with Ryan.

"Hey. How's it going?"

It was early morning. Seth wasn't up yet. Sandy was out surfing. Kirsten hadn't even hit the shower yet, eager for her morning cup of coffee. She hadn't been surprised to find Ryan dressed and bent over an open book. She poured two mugs of coffee, brought one over to the table and then took a seat next to Ryan. She brought her knees up to her chest, and wrapped her arms around them. Her chin was leaning on the top of her knees as she sipped her morning cup of Joe.

Ryan shrugged. "Okay. Thanks for the coffee." He held up the cup as if to toast her.

"What are you working on?"

"Physics. It's hard."

"I don't miss school."

"Yeah. Thanks for insisting I go." He rolled his eyes.

Kirsten couldn't help grinning. She was glad he could joke with her. "I did my time. It's your turn now. Then, when you have kids, you can tease them and say the same thing."

Kirsten wanted to bite her tongue. She searched his face for discomfort or sadness or anger; any reaction that might give her a clue as to how he felt about the baby Theresa and he had lost, because Ryan had never opened up to how he felt about losing his baby. Ryan didn't flinch. He took a deep sip of his coffee, hiding his face with the oversized mug.

"Ryan. Tell me, what's going on between you and Seth?"

He stared at his book, his hands hanging down under the table and his shoulders practically hugging the table. He wished the floor would swallow him up. He wasn't sure how to explain that he wasn't angry at Seth that he was just waiting for Seth to stop ignoring him. Take P.E., the one class that they shared. Seth always had an excuse to miss. He was constantly getting one teacher or another to give him a pass to the library. Then he would stay there during lunch. The one time during the school day that they could spend together and Seth chose to spend it someplace away from Ryan.

"Ryan?"

He shook his head, as if shaking the cobwebs from his head. "Hhhmm?"

"Ryan, please talk to me."

"I don't know what you want me to say."

"I want you to tell me how you feel. I don't want you to tell me what you think I want to hear or what Sandy wants to hear."

He scratched the back of his head, his eyes flitting around the room, searching for an escape route. He felt like a deer caught in the site barrel of a hunter's shotgun.

"Let's start with you and Seth. The two of you are like strangers."

"Not by choice," he muttered.

Kirsten's heart broke in two. So it was Seth who was keeping Ryan at arms length. Seth who was keeping Ryan from settling into their family.

"Seth went through a hard time while you were gone," she started to explain. She wanted Ryan to understand, but she couldn't betray Seth's confidence. "Give him some time to come around." She laughed. "He practically begged us to force you back home. I was tempted so many times. But I knew you needed to be with Theresa."

The smile faded quickly when she remembered how Ryan had lied to them; telling them that he had stayed in Chino to help Theresa recover from the loss of their baby, when in fact she had moved away. She could feel the heat rising to her face. All those wasted months, when Ryan could have been home and their family could have healed. All because of Ryan's stubborn foolishness and all because of her and Sandy's liberal parenting. They had treated Ryan like a guest instead of a son.

"Chrismukkah is coming." Kirsten tried to steer the conversation to something more cheerful. "Is there anything you really want? It would make shopping easier."

"I don't need any presents."

"No one _needs_ presents. But there must be something you want."

_For Seth to talk to me,_ thought Ryan. "Really, I don't need or want anything. I owe you enough already."

"You don't owe us anything," she admonished. "Ryan, you're family. You're a son to Sandy and me."

He ducked his head, not sure how to respond.

"Come on," she cajoled. "Don't be like that. Give me a hint. Seth is so obvious, dropping hints for month beforehand."

_Usually_, she thought. There were three weeks left until Chrismukkah and she had no idea what it was that either of her sons wanted for a gift. She had a sinking feeling in the pit of her belly. She felt like the worst mother in the world. Abruptly, she slammed her feet down to the floor, the bottoms hitting it hard and sending a wave of pain through her body. She took her nearly empty mug and spilled the last dregs of her coffee into the sink. Tears welled up in the back of her throat and felt like she was choking them.

She hoped her voice didn't give her away as she said, "I made an appointment this afternoon with the photographer. For the Chrismukkah photo."

"Oh. Okay." It wasn't like he had anywhere to be after school. He didn't have many friends in Newport. Luke was in Portland. Summer had always been Zach's friend and Marissa was dating someone else. Actually, he was relieved about Marissa. He wasn't sure that he wanted to restart their relationship. The only one who came close to a friend was Lindsay. But they kept each other at arm's length. He liked her. He liked her more than a friend, and he suspected she did too. But it was too weird. She was practically his aunt. "What time should I be h - back?"

Kirsten noticed he didn't say home. She felt a small jab at her heart. She opened her mouth to answer just as Seth walked in.

"You know what," she said instead. "I think today is going to be 'the Cohens play hooky day.'"

"Huh?" Seth turned to his mother, his brows knitted together and his nose scrunched up.

"Have you finished your present shopping?" She pointedly asked her son.

Seth studied the kitchen tiles. "Um. No."

"I thought so." Kirsten turned to Ryan. "What about you?"

Ryan shook his head.

"That settles it. We all need to find presents. God knows your father does too. So I say we get a jump start."

"What about school?"

"You can miss a day. I'll call into the attendance office so it's excused."

"I can't miss school," Ryan said quietly. "I've already missed too much."

"We'll say your sick. They won't expect you to come in sick."

"Who's sick?" Sandy breezed into the kitchen. His hair was wet and slicked back. His shirt was damp in a few places and stuck to his chest. He was smiling broadly and his voice was full of cheer. He must have caught a few good waves, thought Ryan.

"No one is sick," Kirsten explained. "We're all just going to pretend we're sick so that we can do our holiday shopping. You too."

Sandy clapped his hands together and smiled devilishly. "Sounds like a great idea. What time do you want to leave?"

Seth looked less than thrilled about his mother's plan. But every time he opened his mouth to object, Kirsten stopped him. He finally gave up and figured at least he didn't have to think up an excuse to miss PE. He was free for a day. He went back up to his room and changed. If he wasn't going to school at least he could be comfortable in jeans and a tee-shirt. He layered a long-sleeve one under it while wondering what he would say to Ryan if they had to spend all day together.

When they got to the mall, it was worse than Seth imagined. Sandy took out his billfold and peeled off crisp new bills for both Ryan and Seth and told them to go off together while he and Kirsten chose their gifts. Ryan tried to give back the money, but Sandy refused.

"You live with us now, and we're going to take care of you."

"But I have money left over from my construction job." He showed them his ATM card. The last paycheck had arrived despite his doubt and besides, there was still the money he had set aside for when the baby arrived. He hadn't the heart to use it. But Chrismukkah presents were as good a reason to use it as any.

"I know. And feel free to use that if you want. It's your money. But we're giving you this money too."

"You already give me an allowance." Ryan heard his voice squeak and he knew he should quit arguing. It was a stupid argument, one he hadn't won with the Cohens yet. But he just didn't feel right taking their money all the time. Not when he couldn't ever really be their son.

"Ryan, honey, Sandy and I want you to have that money. Now you and Seth go along and have fun. Spend it on gifts. Spend it on yourselves. We don't care." She looked at her watch. "Let's meet by Book Soup at one. We can choose a place for lunch there."

"Whatever." Seth stuffed the bills into his back pocket and started to walk away from his parents, glad to be rid of them, but annoyed that they were forcing him and Ryan to spend time together. They needed lessons on being subtle. He didn't look back to see if Ryan was behind him, but he could feel him trailing.

"Look," he said, stopping short. Ryan nearly plowed into his back and mumbled an apology. Seth ignored him. "We don't have to hang out together. We can do our own thing and meet up a few minutes before we have to hook up with Mom and Dad."

Ryan shrugged. "I'm cool hanging out. If you are." He looked at the floor and scuffed his big toe against the tile floors.

Seth shoved his hands deep into his pocket. "Yeah. It's fine. I just didn't think you'd want to…" He let his voice trail off. He didn't look at Ryan; instead he focused on a sign above his head.

"You know," Ryan said, his voice soft, but the confrontational tone there. "You're the one who doesn't talk to me. You're the one who stopped e-mailing and talking to me when I was in Chino. You're the one who wants nothing to do with me. I still want to be friends."

God, Ryan felt like he was in third grade. _I'll be your friend, if you'll be mine_. It felt so juvenile. He just didn't know how else to put it. Seth had been his best friend.

"I'm still your friend," Seth whispered.

Ryan raised his brows. "You have a funny way of showing it."

Seth took three long strides, moving out of the way of shoppers, until he reached a wall. Ryan followed him. "I don't hate you."

"Again, you have a funny way of showing it."

"It's complicated."

"So tell me."

"You left."

"So did you."

Seth slid against the cool granite wall, until his rear end hit the floor. He drew his knees to his chest and let his chin rest on the top of his knees. A stray curl fell into his eyes. Ryan sat down beside him, ignoring the stares of curious shoppers. They didn't linger or ask what was wrong and he was glad for that.

"Would you have come back if Dad hadn't come down to Chino to get you?"

Ryan chewed on Seth's question, slowly considering what to answer. He finally decided on honesty. "No. I wasn't planning on coming back. I don't really belong in Newport. Theresa, she said I did. But I'm not Newport material. I stick out like a sore thumb. You're my only friend here and now you won't even be my friend." Ryan blushed, feeling silly again for the childish words. It all felt so stupid. He should just punch Seth, tell him to suck it in, and let go of whatever grudge he was holding.

"You had Marissa, Luke, Summer, Anna."

Ryan sighed again. "Luke's in Portland. Anna's in Pittsburgh. Marissa's with D.J. and it's just too weird trying to be friends and Summer was your girl. She just put up with me because of you."

"There's Lindsay."

"Let's not go there. Look, Seth, there a couple of times I thought about calling up your parents and asking if I could come back. But every time I thought about it, I would send you an e-mail, just to say hi and you'd ignore it. I'd get a return receipt, deleted without being read. It was obvious you wanted no part of me. So I wouldn't call. If you and I weren't cool, there was no point in coming back. Sandy forced me to come back and I wish he hadn't to tell you the truth, because it's worse than I imagined."

He wiped his sweaty palms against his slacks. Unlike Seth, he hadn't changed from his school clothes. Not that he ever really dressed for school, but Harbor had a dress code and jeans weren't permissible. Pretty much anything else went. He left a big wet stain on his pants, but he didn't care. Maybe he and Seth could talk it out. Not that he was much for talking, but if that was the only way he could get things to the way they were, he'd do it. He'd do anything to have Seth be his friend again.

"Just tell me what I have to do to make things right."

"There's nothing you can do. It's not you. It's me. Just let it go." He stood up. "You don't give yourself enough credit. If it wasn't for you, I would never have hooked up with Summer. Marissa would never have talked to me. Luke would have still been kicking my ass. They were only my friends because of you. You made yourself more of a home in Newport than I ever could. You don't need me to do that." He looked at his watch. "We're going to have to meet Mom and Dad soon. We better go find some presents."

Slowly, painfully, as if he were an old man with aching limbs, Ryan got up. He and Seth were still nowhere closer to reconciling. He knew Seth was wrong. Maybe he had made it possible for Seth to find a place in Newport but it had been Seth who had made it possible for him to find a place. They needed each other. Alone they were nothing.


	5. Chapter 5

Um... so it's been a really long while, like 8 months or something... better late than never? So you might want to read the previous chapters to refersh your memory.

Thank you **Sister Rose** for beta-ing. All mistakes are stil mine since I tinkered after.  
Disclaimer: I don't own the OC or any of its characters though I may have shamelessly borrowed some dialogue.

* * *

Seth felt like he had been physically slapped by the teacher. Mr. Bendis had been writing him passes to the library, excusing him from PE ever since Ryan had come back to Newport and suddenly the teacher was refusing. He tried to ignore the sweaty palms when he realized he would have to go to PE for the first time in weeks, with Ryan there to witness his absolute humiliation.

"The coach came to see me the other day and asked me to stop giving you an excuse to miss his class. You understand, Seth that I can't step on my colleague's toes. Besides, the physical exercise will do you some good." Mr. Bendis smiled and patted Seth's shoulder.

Seth swallowed hard, his Adam's apple bobbing up and down in his throat. It felt like there was a large egg lodged there. "I – I understand."

Mr. Bendis stroked his trimmed salt and pepper beard. "Seth, is everything okay? Are you sure everything is okay in that class?"

Seth shrugged. He couldn't tell the truth. "The coach and I don't get along to well. I'll work it out." His eyes slid to the ground. "Thanks. You know, for all those passes."

He racked his brain, wondering who he could turn to as he left the classroom and turned to the empty halls. The late bell had already rung and everyone would be staring at him when he came to the gym. He wondered if he should go to the library anyway. The librarian was used to him coming and wouldn't question him if he didn't flash a pass, but it might catch up to him if the coach was asking after him.

He started walking to the gym, but halfway there he changed his mind and turned back to the library. He didn't care if the attendance office called home and told his parents that he had cut a class. He didn't care if his parents found out that he had been avoiding PE ever since Ryan had come home. He just didn't care anymore.

He waved at Ms. Allen, who as he suspected didn't ask for his pass, and went directly to one of the study carrels at the back of the library.

"So this is where you hide out all the time during PE?"

Seth jumped at the sound of Ryan's voice. They hadn't talked much since the forced Chrismukkah shopping trip the day before. As soon as they were in Sandy and Kirsten's presence the two boys had just allowed their parents to take over the conversation. It was easy to hide their silence behind Sandy and Kirsten's overeager attempt at filling all the dialogue gaps.

Seth forced a smile to his lips. "Hey. How come you aren't in class?"

"I missed a pop quiz in physics yesterday. Mr. Green asked me to take it in here during PE. Coach said it was okay."

Seth could hear the defensive note in Ryan's voice. He hadn't meant to accuse him of anything. Nothing he said to Ryan anymore came out right.

"Well. Um. Good luck with the test and all. I better go work on my project."

He dumped his backpack on the table and pulled out one of his notebooks. As soon as he was sure Ryan wasn't looking, he pulled out one of his charcoal pencils and started sketching. Surreptitiously, he stole glances of Ryan hunched over his test paper, and draw the lines that would form his best friend.

Everything was so screwed up. He thought back to their talk the day before at South Coast Plaza.

"_You're the one who doesn't talk to me. You're the one who stopped e-mailing and talking to me when I was in Chino. You're the one who wants nothing to do with me. I still want to be friends."_

Ryan was right. Seth knew he was the one tearing their friendship apart and tearing the family apart simultaneously. Yet he couldn't let Ryan know what a loser he was. How horrible it had been before he came to Newport and after he left.

"_Do you think Ryan doesn't know how the bullies have treated you in the past?"_

_Seth shrugged at Dr. Berger's question. Ryan knew. He had always known. Hadn't he been there at the fashion show when he had tried to say hello to Luke?_

"_Suck it queer." Luke had answered with a look usually reserved for cockroaches and rodents. Then later Ryan had interceded when Saunders and Nordland had decided that he didn't belong at the beach party. Ryan had seen them holding him upside down. _

"_He knows. He knows," Seth told Dr. Bergers with closed eyes. "But once he came to live with us, that all went away. Most of it at least. If Ryan finds out what was going on, he'll know what a loser I really am. I had friends and a life, and I couldn't hold onto it. Not without Ryan. Without Ryan, I'm nothing."_

He sketched Ryan hunched over his test paper. He sketched Ryan stealing glances over his shoulder. Whenever he saw his friend looking his way, Seth would duck his head, as if he were deep into his project. He sketched until he saw Lindsay come up to Ryan's study carrel and bend over so their heads were almost touching.

He studied Ryan's body language, how he automatically stiffened when Lindsay approached him. How his shoulders sagged as if to relax when she got close and his nose was close to her ear. How Ryan seemed to turn up his nose and breathe in the scent of Lindsay's hair. Ryan was interested in Lindsay and not as just an aunt, Seth realized. He closed his eyes and thought about how complicated things would get if Ryan and Lindsay started to date.

A small smile tugged at the corner of Seth's mouth as he pictured how the conversation would have followed last year had Ryan been in a similar situation.

_"It's not like you dating Lindsay is incest. You're not even related. You wouldn't get arrested. You wouldn't have chromosomally challenged children."_

_"Kirsten is like my mom and Lindsay is her… sister."_

_"You know, I think they did a storyline like this on the Valley. Boy likes girl. Girl likes boy. Girl turns out to be boy's surrogate mother's illegitimate half sister. You just have to ask yourself, is she your girlfriend or is she your aunt?"_

"_Do you have to make this anymore awkward than it already is?"_

"_You know Ryan, Lindsay's our age, so she's more like a sister. I always wanted a sister. How about you?"_

If they talked at all, perhaps the conversation would have gone like that. If they would even bother to confide in each other at all. The way things were, Ryan would never entrust Seth with his secret desire to date Lindsay and how confused he must be feeling about the complicated, soap-opera family tree that had grown while he had been away.

The bell rang, signaling the end of Seth's PE period and the start of his lunch. He ducked his head, so Ryan wouldn't approach him about eating together. To his surprise it wasn't Ryan who came over, but Lindsay.

"Nephew Seth," she called in a loud whisper. "It's time to get some food. Join us."

He shook his head. "No, thanks. I'm not hungry."

"Then join us for the company." She pulled at his messenger bag. "Come on, no excuses. I see you aren't working that hard."

"I'd rather stay here."

"Fine. Then Ryan and I will join you."

"But Ms. Allen will have conniptions if she catches you and Ryan eating in here."

Lindsay rolled her eyes. "So we won't eat. You're making excuses."

"I just don't want to, Lindsay," he finally hissed. "Leave me alone."

She stopped when she saw the ferocious yet pleading look in Seth's big brown eyes.

"Okay. No problem. I'll leave you alone." She spun on her heels and walked away with her back so rigid, it looked like a pole was tied to her spine.

Seth hated the feeling in the pit of his stomach. He was pushing everyone away. His parents. Ryan. And now Lindsay. By the time he was done, he would be alone and miserable, though it wasn't a far cry from the way he was feeling at that very moment. But Seth knew eventually everyone would stop trying to reach out to him and just give up. He knew that would be the point of no return.

He watched Lindsay nudge Ryan, urging him to leave the library. He didn't miss the fleeting look his almost-brother threw over his shoulder as he weaved his way through the study carrels and comfortable seating. It wasn't too late. Not yet. But Seth didn't have the courage to tell Ryan the truth.

Ryan tried to block the events of the day as he buried himself in his homework assignments. There wasn't much to do, but his Global Studies teacher had mentioned a research report down the line. He only had a vague idea of what was expected, but it wouldn't hurt to get a jumpstart. It wasn't like there was much else to do. The house was as silent as a mausoleum. Seth was at his after school activities. He knew it wasn't a comic book club, but every time he tried to probe, Seth just clamped up. Kirsten was still working and would pick Seth up before coming home, and Sandy had a late day at court. So it was just Ryan. Even Rosa had a day off.

He turned on his laptop and waited for it to boot up. Drumming his fingers, against the kitchen table, Ryan's eyes scanned the kitchen and wondered if maybe he should start dinner. Though Kirsten and Sandy were doing more and more take-out lately. It seemed like Kirsten had no inclination to learn how to cook and with Sandy spending so much time in court, there was rarely any homemade food. Though family dinners were mandatory. It was a rarity that the Cohens allowed them to skip, as if acting out the part would make it true.

Finally the computer booted up and Ryan tried to get onto the Internet to start some general research for his report. He clicked on the Internet browser but was told he didn't have a connection. He tried to fiddle with the settings, but to no avail. He sighed and wondered if he should dare go up and use Seth's computer. Last year, he wouldn't have questioned the idea. He would have gone straight up, but nowadays, Ryan didn't pretend like things were the same as last year.

The phone rang while he mulled over the problem. He pushed back his chair and walked over to the kitchen counter where they kept the phone. It was Kirsten.

"Hey, honey. How are you doing?"

"Okay."

"Good. I was just calling to check up on you. I'll be home in an hour or so."

"Okay," he repeated.

"You sound a bit frustrated."

He wondered how Kirsten could recognize his emotions even over the phone.

"My laptop is giving me a problem and I can't get on the Internet to start on a research report."

"So go use Seth's computer."

"Seth's not home. I can't go into his room."

"Don't be silly, Ryan. Go ahead, Seth won't mind. We'll get the computer fixed, but until then you need to do your homework."

"Okay," he said.

He heard Kirsten chuckle. He wasn't sure what he had said that was so funny. With a shrug he told her good-bye and hung up the phone.

Seth's not home anyway, he thought and walked back to the table and gently closing his computer. He grabbed his notebook and took the steps two at a time. He wasn't surprised to see that the computer was on, but the ping of an incoming IM message started Ryan as he entered the room.

He sat down in Seth's swivel chair and read the message.

_ChipsRUs_

_So, fag, how long can U hid in the gym? _

Ryan stared at the computer. He studied the screen name. ChipsRUs? Who could it be? And then, like a light bulb going on in a very dark closet, Ryan realized it was Chip Saunders. He didn't know they were still harassing him. And at home? Through the computer? That had to be a new kind of low.

"What are you doing in here?"

Seth's near hysterical voice startled Ryan, causing him to nearly fall off the computer chair.

"You're home."

"Yeah. I am. What are you doing in my room? At my computer?"

"I couldn't get on online with my laptop. And I needed to do some research for school. Kirsten said it was okay."

Seth approached the computer and stared at the monitor. His nostrils flared when he saw the IM message mocking him once again from the screen.

"You have no business in here. This is my room. This is my space." Seth rushed passed the chair, causing it to swivel violently, and jabbed at the button so the screen turned off. He knew he looked and sounded hysterical. He could feel the panic building inside of him. Even his heart was thudding against his rib cage, hammering to get out.

"Okay. I'm sorry." He had known this would be the reaction. He hadn't expected anything different. At least now he suspected what was going on. What this was all about. He held up his hands as if in surrender and slowly moved from the chair toward the door, not stopping to grab his notebook from Seth's bed. His hand was on the knob ready to leave, when he asked in a stage whisper, "How long have they been harassing you, man?"

"Get out," Seth seethed through gritted teeth. "Just get out and stay out of my life."

As soon as Ryan left the room, Seth threw himself on his bed, snatched Captain Oats off of his night table and clutched the toy horse to his chest, burying his head in his pillow. The tears leaked out from the corner of his eyes. The snot slowly dribbled down his nose and towards his mouth. He sniffled and jabbed at his tears with the corners of his sleeves, but he could still feel his pillow getting wet underneath him.


	6. Chapter 6

Sorry for the delay. But hey, it's not 8 months this time! You'll be glad to know that the rest of the story is written, except for the last chapter...  
Thanks to** Sister Rose** for beta-ing.  
I don't own it.

* * *

Seth still wasn't talking to Ryan the next day. Not even for a simple request that Ryan pass the salt. Instead Seth reached across the table, only to get an admonishing glare from his mother in return. He had sat back down, but refused to apologize, which only made Kirsten let out an exasperated sigh.

On the way to school, the silence in the Rover was thick and heavy, like a black cloud of factory smoke, lingering in the air. Ryan tried to apologize a few times, but Seth shut him out each time by turning the music louder or changing the CD.

Ryan was ready to give up. As soon as they arrived at school he looked around and was grateful to spot Lindsay talking to Summer off in the distance. He had to raise his brows at that, because he hadn't know that Summer even knew Lindsay, but they would probably be better company than an angry sullen Seth.

"Cohen."

Ryan stopped when he heard the familiar brusque voice of the coach.

"Cohen," the coach repeated, when Seth didn't answer him. "I expect to see you in PE today. If I don't, I'm going to call your parents in for a conference."

Ryan bit his lip. Now that he finally understood why Seth was skipping PE he was ready to cover for him, but this was out of his hands. Unless Seth wanted Sandy and Kirsten on his back even more than they were of late. Ryan hadn't missed how hard the Cohens were riding their only child.

"I'll be there," Seth mumbled.

"Good." The coach noticed Ryan. "You make sure your friend comes, Atwood. I know you wouldn't try anything funny."

"No, sir," agreed Ryan. He waved and ducked away to finally join Lindsay and Summer, who had stopped talking when they realized the coach was talking to Seth and Ryan.

"Everything okay?" Lindsay asked.

"Yeah," he said. "I need some coffee. Care to join me?"

He didn't tell Lindsay about the night before or what he had discovered about Seth. He watched things more closely though, his eyes following Seth and the water polo players to make sure nothing happened on his watch. No one was going to mess with Seth while he was around.

Ryan didn't see Seth again until PE. He was changing in the locker room, one eye on the water polo jocks and the other looking out for the elusive Seth. The late bell was about to ring, and most of their classmates had already started to shuffle out to the field. Seth hadn't shown.

Ryan chewed on his lip, stopping just before he tasted blood. The coach hadn't sounded like he was fooling around earlier that morning. He had sounded dead serious. Why would Seth chance the PE teacher's wrath? He was about to follow the last of the stragglers on the field, when Seth sauntered into the locker room. Seth had waited until he'd be alone to change, Ryan realized. Was he was avoiding the water polo players?

He threw a shy wave at Seth, but it wasn't returned. Shoulders slumped, Ryan finally went to join the rest of the class.

"Atwood," barked the coach. "Where's Cohen?"

He felt like retorting, "Am I my brother's keeper?" but saw the impatience etched on the coach's face. "He's changing," answered Ryan. "He'll be here in a minute."

While he stretched, Ryan heard snickers coming from Saunders and his teammates. He shot a glare at them as and started the laps around the track. Again, he kept one eye trained on the door to the locker rooms waiting for Seth to come out.

Seth wasn't out to antagonize the coach. He came out a minute later in full gym gear. His knobby knees and matchstick legs stuck out from the standard issue gym shorts. His pale arms without any muscle definitions jutted out of his maroon colored Pirates' T-shirt.

Ryan stopped running; hoping to let Seth catch up, but the coach told him to hustle along, so he kept going. Still vigilant, Ryan noticed the water polo players were quickly catching up to their target. They whizzed by, purposely bumping into Seth, knocking him off balance.

Ryan watched, nostrils flared, as Seth stopped but didn't say a word. At least before Ryan had come to town, Seth would retaliate with a zinger the jocks were too stupid to understand. His brother was a shell of his former self.

He slowed down enough to allow the jocks to get ahead, but not so much as to gain the teacher's attention. He let Saunders pass and then sped up, making sure to knock into him.

Watch it," Chip grumbled. Ryan said nothing, just continued at a steady gait so Saunders couldn't catch up with him again. He ran until he was at Seth's side.

"You okay, man?"

"I can take care of myself."

"They're being a bunch of asses."

"Whatever. The coach is calling you. I have to do another lap," and Seth sped up.

At least he had talked to Ryan.

The coach yelled at Ryan for his behavior on the track. He didn't defend himself; just muttered an apology so that the coach was satisfied. Then Ryan waited for Seth to finish before joining the rest of the class as they kicked around the soccer ball.

Saunders was on Ryan immediately, kicking the ball at him – hard – trying to get his ire up. But he wouldn't bite. Seth stayed on the outskirts, jogging in the direction of the ball, making it look as if he was participating. He was working so hard at playing the part, he didn't notice Saunders pulling his leg back and kicking the ball with all his might -straight at Seth's gut.

Ryan ran over when Seth grunted and fell to the ground. "Are you okay?"

Seth gasped for air. "Dandy," and waved Ryan away.

Ryan looked over his shoulder, waiting for the coach to come over. He was talking to Saunders, but Ryan thought the coach had put a lot more effort in reprimanding him for a simple shove. And why wasn't anyone making sure that Seth wasn't seriously hurt?

The coach patted Chip on the shoulder and ambled towards Seth. Ryan's eyes blazed as Chip and his buddies were laughing and slapping each other five. He shook his head and ran over, tackling Chip to the ground.

He had taken the other boy completely by surprise and had an easy advantage. Ryan pulled back his arm and slammed his fist into Chip's nose.

"What the F-"

Chip lashed out his feet, kicking at Ryan, but before he could do any serious damage, the coach was pulling them apart.

"Atwood, in my office now," roared the coach.

Without a hint of remorse, Ryan jogged off the field. He caught a glimpse of Seth, who only had contempt in his eyes.

Both Sandy and Kirsten came down to the school for the conference with Dr. Kim. Ryan sat between them in a straight-back wooden chair, his hands folded in his lap. His chin hung low to his chest, and his eyes were cast down at the carpet.

"Ryan was doing very well," Dr. Kim was saying. "Honestly, this is the last thing I expected."

"It's been a difficult time in our family," Kirsten started. "Not that that's an excuse and Ryan will be punished at home. I just want you to understand."

"I do," the principal was saying carefully. "But we can't overlook this." With her eyes, she pinned Ryan to his chair. "Ryan, would you care to explain?"

Briefly, he looked at the principal but quickly shook his head while shaking his head.

"Did those boys provoke you in any way?" Dr. Kim leaned forward, her tailored tweed jacket pulling and accentuating her chest.

Ryan shook his head again.

"You leave me no choice. I'm going to suspend you for the rest of today. Starting tomorrow you will serve two weeks of detention after school. The detention will go on your permanent record. The suspension won't."

Ryan could hear Sandy expel a breath of relief. Though it still felt like a small boulder was sitting in the pit of his stomach. Even if Dr. Kim hadn't pressed for an explanation, he knew Sandy and Kirsten wouldn't allow him to get out of one. He racked his brain for a plausible story as he dragged his feet from the principal's office, following Sandy and Kirsten. He hung back a moment as they had a short quiet conference between them.

"I'll drop you and Kirsten home." Sandy turned to Ryan. "But I need to go out again and meet with a client. I can't reschedule."

"I'm sorry."

"Save it for later," Sandy's voice cut like ragged glass. "When you tell us the whole story."

He opened his mouth to answer and then closed it again. He really didn't know how to defend himself. The ride home was quiet. Kirsten and Sandy were communicating silently, with slight gestures and their eyes, but neither pressed Ryan to talk.

"You should stay in your room," Kirsten said when they were alone in the kitchen. "Take a snack with you."

"Okay." He didn't move though. Kirsten was opening the pantry, rummaging through them and jotting down notes on a pad of paper, presumably to make a shopping list. "Kirsten," he said. She looked up, surprised to see him still there. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to cause trouble."

She sighed. "I know. I'm just worried. Nothing has been right since this summer. I just want to go back to how it was, and I don't know what to do in order for that to happen."

"I'm sorry," he said again. By now Ryan knew he sounded dull, but he didn't know what to do or what to say. How was he to make things better? How was he supposed to make things right?

He finally understood, or so he thought, what was keeping Seth so distant from him. He had tried to help, like he used to last year, and that had only backfired.

"I know you're sorry," Kirsten was saying. He refocused, setting his eyes on her. "But that doesn't make things better. When Sandy comes home, we'll all talk. I'm not pushing you off, but this is a conversation you need to have with both of your parents."

"Okay." It seemed that the boulder in the pit of his stomach got a little smaller and just a bit lighter. "I guess I'm grounded."

Kirsten quirked her brow and tilted her head. "It's safe to say that you are grounded at the very least until we talk.

He smiled shyly and waved as he left the kitchen. In his room, Ryan dropped his book bag near his desk and pulled out a couple of books so he could start on his homework. He was engrossed in _Fahrenheit 451_, one of the books on a supplemental reading list for his Humanities class, when Seth barged into the pool house, slamming the door so hard all the windows rattled.

Startled, Ryan looked up. He didn't say anything, certain that any of his words would surely set Seth off. His eyes were smoldering, and a curl was falling into his face.

"What the hell was that all about today?" seethed Seth through clenched teeth.


	7. Chapter 7

I told you I had more chapters written. pats self on back And chapter 08 is at the beta shop! Thanks to **Sister Rose** for beta-ing.  
I don't own it.

* * *

Ryan glanced over at his alarm clock, surprised to see that the hours had whizzed by and that it was already 4 o'clock. But Seth shouldn't be home, thought Ryan. He was always busy with after-school activities until 5 p.m. at least. Though now that he thought about it, with the grief Seth was getting at school, why would he hang out there? But Ryan didn't have time to dwell on it, because Seth was angrily jabbing his finger at his shoulder.

"I don't need you to be my knight in shining armor," he was saying. Screaming really. "I don't need a savior, Ryan. I was fine before you came to live with us in this G-d forsaken town. I was fine when you left, and I'm fine now that you came back." He poked Ryan's shoulder, emphasizing each word.

His eyes blinked rapidly as he tried to digest Seth's anger and figure out how to respond. Ryan just stood there dumbly. Finally, he shook Seth off, took a small step back and whispered, "I'm sorry."

"Just leave me alone, Ryan. Leave me the hell alone."

"No." The word surprised even Ryan. But he repeated it again, loudly and firmly then he added, "I won't leave you alone. We make a good team. What was it you said when I first moved in? Together we're unstoppable. Separately-"

But Seth cut him off. "Shut. Up," he hissed between clenched teeth. "I don't want to hear it. I don't need you. I never did. It was nice last year. It was fun. But that was last year. I don't give a damn. Live here. Go to the same school, but just stay the hell out of my life, okay?" Seth's voice grew softer, as if the fight was slowly leaving him. He turned his back to Ryan as he uttered the last words, and Ryan thought he heard Seth's voice crack just the tiniest bit. Was Seth going to cry?

He watched as Seth started to leave. And Ryan didn't know what it was, but something inside him snapped and he ran in front of Seth, blocking his exit from the pool house.

"I will not leave you alone," he fumed. "I never have. Isn't that what made you forever loyal to me?" he questioned, the sarcasm dripping in his words. "Even though you totally dissed me in front of everyone, I came back and defended you when Luke, and Saunders and their goons started harassing you on the beach. I didn't turn my back on you."

"But the minute you thought you got a girl pregnant you ran!" Seth's eyes were wild, reminding Ryan of a strung out drug addict. "You didn't turn back. Not even when she lost the baby. You came to Portland and when Theresa called with the news, I asked you to come back with me. You knew my mom was on her way to take me home. You knew she would force you to come and instead you hid behind Theresa, but you knew she was moving to Atlanta."

Ryan looked down at the floor, studying the pattern on the pool house floor.

"I really did go back for Theresa," he started quietly. Ryan sank down to the floor, still blocking the pool house door. If Seth was insistent, he could easily get past Ryan. He didn't think Seth had much fight left in him. "When I got back, her mom had all my bags packed. She told me Theresa had already left for Atlanta to her cousin and that I should go back to Newport. It was the first I heard about Theresa leaving.

"I took my bags and walked to that same payphone. I called your dad from that summer after mom kicked me out of her house. I called your phone, but you wouldn't pick up. I kept trying, but you kept sending it to voicemail. I could have called your parents, but hell, if you wouldn't have me back, what was the point of going back? The only reason your dad took me in was to prove a point and your mom did it because you badgered her and she felt sorry for me when my mom ditched me for the second time in a week. You were the only one who wanted me in Newport just for me."

Ryan hated the naked emotion that was in his voice. He felt bare and exposed, yet he didn't feel like he had a choice. He felt like it all had to come out, as if he needed to purge it all. "So I found a place to live. I still had my job and some money that I had put away for the baby. I told your parents I was staying with Theresa and they didn't check up on me. Not right away at least. And every time I wanted to talk to you, you ignored my calls. If I e-mailed you, you didn't answer. What the hell was I supposed to think?" Ryan jumped up again, so he could meet Seth eye to eye. "I abandoned you? You abandoned me!"

Suddenly, anger and hurt and confusion all roared and pulsed in Ryan's ears. He shoved Seth. "It's not always about you. Sometimes there's more to a story than you realize," and he shoved Seth again.

Seth stumbled backwards, more from Ryan's words than from the shoves. He blinked, once twice and the third time Ryan raised his hands to shove him, Seth lifted his arms to block the onslaught.

"Don't push me." He placed his hands flat on either side of Ryan and pushed hard.

Ryan came at him, like a bull going at a matador waving a red cape. Smoke came from his nostrils, his blue eyes blazed with fury, like a torrent of angry waves crashing on shore. He rammed his entire body into Seth, and Seth slammed back with his full body weight so that the glass door swung forward with a sharp crack and they collapsed onto the patio, rolling and punching and snarling at each other.

Seth landed the first good blow squarely on Ryan's jaw. It stopped Ryan only for a brief moment, and he pulled back his hand, thumping Seth in the gut, which he figured was weaker from the ball that had hit him earlier in the day. A whoosh of air left Seth, like air leaving an over inflated balloon. They grunted, and rolled, kicking and snarling at each other.

They didn't hear the clatter of Kirsten's heels on the patio floor or her hysterical cries for Sandy. "Boys. Boys. Stop it, this instant," she demanded. She watched them tumble and roll and grunt, and tried to get between them

Sandy, hearing his wife call out for him, came running out, skidding to a stop at the sight before him.

"Ryan! Seth," he barked. "Stop this right now." He grabbed at the first shirt that was in his reach, - it turned out to be Seth's - and tugged at the struggling figure. It took all of Sandy's strength to get Seth to a semi standing position. All the while, the boy's feet and arms were flailing wildly, slashing at the empty air.

Ryan didn't even notice that he had been separated and continued to lash out violently at the empty space before him. Until he felt Kirsten's gentle restraining arms around his and her soothing assurances that it was okay to stop.

Separated, Ryan and Seth looked like wild dogs, foaming at the mouth, growling and scratching at the ground with their paws, itching to resume their fight.

"What's going on here?" Sandy yelled, hauling Seth to an empty chair and clunking his son down unceremoniously.

Kirsten gently guided Ryan to the other empty chair so that the two boys faced each other. She stood behind him, her hands firm but tender on his shoulders, keeping him in place. Immediately, his whole demeanor went on the defensive, and he slouched down in his seat. Sandy could see the ugly, huffy scowl forming on his lips. He ignored it.

"Someone better start talking or there's going to be a hell of a lot of grounding going on." The impatience was apparent in Sandy's voice. "Scratch that. The grounding is going to happen anyway. The length and severity is yet to be determined."

"Seth," Kirsten prompted. "What happened?" When he didn't answer, Kirsten walked around so that she faced Ryan, without letting go of his shoulders. "Ryan? Will you tell me?"

He shook his head.

Kirsten sighed. "Does this have anything to do with what happened at school?" She saw both Ryan and Seth freeze and grow rigid. She knew she hit on a nerve. Yet neither boy was willing to talk.

"Okay." Kirsten shucked her nurturing mother mode and reached for the role she was more familiar with, the disciplinarian. She let go of Ryan and stood between both of them, her arms crossed against her chest. "One week's grounding for both of you. And Ryan, we haven't even touched today's incident at school. Every minute we sit here without a word or an explanation adds a day to the grounding. It'll also add another consequence, like no driving. No cell phone. No computer or Internet access."

Her eyes flitted back and forth between the two boys, who were still breathing heavily from their fight. They eyed each other through the narrow slits of their eyes, daring the other to go first. Kirsten wondered who would break first. When would she hit on something that mattered to them? Something that would get them to break?

"If someone doesn't talk soon, I'm going to send the both of you to my father and Julie's for a week."

Ryan sat up abruptly. He opened his mouth to say something, but Seth beat him to it.

"This isn't Ryan's fault. And neither is what happened in school today."

"Explain." Kirsten's voice was crisp and clipped. Yet she felt like skipping now that finally someone had said something. Who knew that Julie Cooper could instill fear into the hearts of children? Sandy sidled up beside her and squeezed her arm. She could tell he was equally pleased that one of the boys had started talking.

"Some of the kids were harassing me in PE, and Ryan decided he wasn't going to let it go."

"Was it Saunders and his friends again?" Sandy asked.

Seth nodded, looking down at his lap the entire time. He studied the scrapes and abrasions on his hands.

"I thought they'd stopped," Kirsten accused.

Ryan snorted. "Stopped? The only thing that's been going on is that Seth has been avoiding them every chance he gets. But it doesn't help, because they've just reached out through cyber space to continue the stalking.

"What do you mean?" Sandy turned to Ryan and placed his hands on his hips.

"They've been threatening Seth though e-mail and IM."

"Is that true?" Kirsten couldn't believe what she was hearing.

Seth shrugged.

"How long have you known about this, Ryan?"

Ryan dropped his gaze to the floor and refused to meet Sandy's insistent glare. "I found out last night," he mumbled.

"So today, you saw the boys bothering Seth in gym and it raised some red flags and you decided to punish them yourself," Kirsten filled in. "Is that how it happened?"

"Pretty much," Ryan said with a shrug. He didn't sound apologetic.

"So how does that have to tie in with what happened here?"

The boys resumed their silence. Each glanced at each other, egging the other one with their silence to explain what had happened.

Kirsten glanced at her watch. "That's one week and two days. And you're going to clean out the garage." When they still didn't speak, she continued, "One week and four days, the garage and the attic," though she knew both those jobs combined would take the better part of a month. "Two weeks," when it still didn't elicit a response, "No car privileges for a month. And if someone doesn't talk in the next two minutes, you're both going to spend a weekend at the house on haunted hill."

Seth spoke again. "I got angry at Ryan for today. I don't need him screwing up his record to protect me. We got into it when I got home, and it got heated. I was jabbing at him, poking him hard, and it escalated."

"Fighting in this house, for any reason," Sandy started, "Is entirely unacceptable. Regardless of who started it."

"I know. I'm sorry." Seth bowed his head in contrition.

Ryan followed suit and mumbled an apology.

"The thing is," Sandy continued, "The distance between the two of you has brought a pall onto this house. Everyone has been dragging their feet, tiptoeing as if on thin ice. This is just the straw that broke the camel's back. It's going to stop. I don't care if I have to throw you into a locked room, but before the sun comes up tomorrow morning, the two of you are going to work things out."

Ryan's head snapped to attention. Seth's too.

Sandy looked to his wife for approval and he saw he had it. "Both of you move into the pool house. Your mom and I will bring you provisions, but neither of you is coming out until this is settled for good."

When neither of the boys got up to move, Sandy stomped his foot down hard on the patio floor and shouted, "I said into the pool house. Don't play with me when I'm mad."

Seth scurried first, not used to his father's anger, and from the corner of his eyes he could see Ryan scurrying after him. As soon as they were inside, Sandy yanked the door shut, and procuring a key as if from thin air, locked the boys in.

Ryan and Seth stared with wide eyes and then both boys collapsed onto Ryan's bed in a fit of giggles.

"Should we tell him we have a spare key in here ever since Aunt Hailey locked us in on New Years Eve?" Seth asked through his laughter.

Ryan wiped away a tear. "No." He shook his head. "That would just ruin your dad's fun."

And together they continued laughing


	8. Chapter 8

Okay, off to finish chapter 09, but it's half written. I'm on a roll, aren't I? Thanks to **Sister Rose** for beta-ing.  
I don't own it.

* * *

When they regained their composure, the boys sat up straight and stared at each other with bemused expressions. The air was charged and everything felt different. Not so heavy and suffocating like it had been the past few months. They turned their gazes to the patio, where they saw Sandy planted on a patio chair daring them to come out before their issues had been resolved.

"Do you think he's going to stay there all night?" Seth asked, appraising his father from across the patio.

Ryan cocked his head to the side. "I don't know. Your dad really frightened me for a minute. I've seen him pissed, but he was downright scary just then."

"Not just my dad," said Seth. He pulled his eyes away from Sandy and fixed his gaze on Ryan. "I know you'll never call him dad. That wouldn't be fair to your own father. But he doesn't think of you as some kid he pulled off the street. Sometime last year both he and my mom started to think of you as their other child."

Ryan got up from the bed and bounced across the room to the kitchen area. He opened the fridge and pulled out a couple of sodas. Kirsten and Rosa insisted on keeping him well stocked at all times so that he didn't have to wander out in the cold in middle of the night. He was especially grateful for that now.

Tossing a soda to Seth, he said, "I wish they were my real parents and that they always had been, but I have a dad and a mom. It's not like I can start calling Sandy and Kirsten-"

"I know," Seth cut him off. "I just mean, that when you say 'your mom' or 'your dad,' it's as if they're not any part of you. And that isn't true. You didn't see mom after you left last summer."

Seth closed his eyes. He had spied her from his bedroom window as he packed his bag and wrote his good-bye notes. He'd seen Kirsten walk into the pool house and strip the sheets and then fall onto the bed, hugging the linen to her chest as her body heaved with sobs. It had almost made Seth stay. Almost. He supposed he was a terrible son for leaving her and causing her more grief, but he couldn't imagine staying in Newport without Ryan.

"She cried," he explained to Ryan. He opened the can of soda and the fizz hissed and crackled and ran over the top and down the sides like a small geyser. Seth quickly bent his head forward slurping up the falling fizz. "Your leaving made us all realize what we were losing and you know what a difference you made to our family."

Ryan scratched at the back of his head, trying to shrug off the obvious compliment. "So I don't get it then. Why did you cut me off?"

Seth twisted in his seat and tapped his feet rhythmically on the ground. Ryan was sure it was to some song that only Seth could hear in his head. "I didn't cut you off." Seth sipped at his soda and looked off into the distance. "I guess I did. I – I came back to Newport, and it was awful, Ryan. Mom forced me back to school the day I came back, and Saunders and his goons lit into me right away. I didn't know that it was you trying to call me. I didn't recognize the number, so I ignored it. And by the time I figured it out, well, I was afraid you'd realize what a lameass I really was."

"I knew that from the first day I met you."

Seth arched his brows.

"I knew that you weren't Mr. Cool. You were just you. Why would you think that it would make a difference to me if you were being taunted again at school? It wouldn't make me think any differently of you."

"Maybe I'm tired of being everyone's punching bag or your project. I just want to be."

"You're not my project."

"No?"

"No." Ryan shook his head vehemently. "I hate bullies. I knew way too many bullies growing up. It brings up lots of old memories and lots of old issues when I see people picking on anyone else who's weaker than them. I wasn't always strong enough to stop it, but here I can, so I will. Whether or not you want me to."

Seth tapped his soda can, but didn't answer right away. "Yeah, so when you explain what happened in school, I wouldn't tell it that way. That will totally piss off the 'rents. And we just made a very bad first impression on them. I'm looking at two weeks, but you man, you're looking at a month in Alcatraz."

Ryan looked out at the patio and saw Sandy still sitting guard. Kirsten was coming out of the kitchen holding a square, flat box. Pizza, he thought. His stomach growled. He had missed lunch, and he had ignored Kirsten's suggestion to fix a snack.

"You think she's going to bring it in?"

Seth followed Ryan's gaze. "It looks like she wants to, but I bet Dad's going to be a hard ass."

Holding the steaming box of pizza before her, Kirsten stopped behind her husband. "How's it going?" she asked.

"They're talking."

"No fighting."

"They're not even yelling at each other."

"They must be hungry. Ryan missed lunch, and he didn't have anything to eat when he came home."

"It didn't affect his ability to wrestle with Seth."

"That wasn't just his fault."

"I didn't say it was _his_ fault. They're both culpable in this." Sandy ran his fingers through his thick head of hair. "I hope this works."

"Does this sort of thing actually work if it's not a TV show?"

Sandy wrinkled his nose and pursed his lips. "You're being cheeky, Mrs. Cohen." He pulled Kirsten on his lap and pulled her close to him.

"Sandy," she squealed, "The boys can see everything."

"If they're smart, they'll concentrate on their task on hand."

"Or what? You're going to keep them in there forever? We need to talk this out with them. We need to help mediate. We're the adults."

"How is it that you're always calling me the softie? You're definitely the softie in this parenting duo."

"Oh? When Seth was 3 and refused to clean up his toys?"

"He was 3."

"And he still doesn't pick up after himself!"

Sandy laughed. He snaked his hand around Kirsten's waist and onto her lap where the pizza box. He tried to open it, but his wife slapped his hand away.

"Ouch. That hurt."

"It's for the boys."

"And what about me? I'm hungry, too."

"I'll cook dinner for us."

"I didn't do anything wrong. Why am I being punished?"

"Sanford Cohen!"

"Actually," Ryan observed, "It looks like Sandy and Kirsten are the ones who should be locked in here. With the blinds down."

"Eww. Ryan, that is not an image one should have of one's parents."

"Grow up, Seth. How do you think you got here?"

"Fine for you to say. When your children ask you, you can just tell them dad brought you home from jail."

Ryan threw a pillow at Seth. Seth caught it and hugged it to his chest.

"So," Ryan started. "The reason you've been pretty much ignoring me since Sandy made me come home was because you were afraid that I'd find out about Saunders and his goons."

Seth looked down and felt the moment of levity dissipate. "Yeah. I mean, it got pretty bad. Dad was doing a career fair in school last month when someone peed in my shoes and I decided I was going to walk around barefoot. So everything came out and Mom and Dad have been on Dr. Kim's case ever since about the bullying that goes on at Harbor."

Ryan narrowed his eyes. "That's why Dr. Kim is being so easygoing with me. She's afraid of pissing off your parents."

"Probably. Then Mom and Dad made me go into therapy. There's no comic book club. Though I did get Dr. Berger hooked on the X-Men."

"You really thought you couldn't tell me this? You thought it would change how I thought about you?"

Seth shrugged. Ryan shook his head and advanced towards Seth, raising his fist high and bringing it down hard on Seth's arm, giving his less related brother a dead arm. "You're a tool, you know. An idiot. Here I am, feeling totally out of place. Feeling like this can't be my home anymore and it's because you thought-"

"You really felt like that? Just because I wasn't talking to you?"

Ryan rocked back and forth on his heels. "Well, yeah," he said, refusing to meet Seth's eyes. "You're the reason I felt like this could be home in the first place."

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to be such a…"

"An ass," Ryan finished for him.

Seth rolled his eyes. "If you must be so vulgar."

"So, I know your secret now. Can we put this behind us?"

"Truce?" Seth stuck out his hand.

Grinning Ryan shook on it. He glanced out again onto the patio and sighed. "I think we're better off staying in here for now."

Seth whirled around. "Why?" He crinkled up his nose. "Eeww. Ryan, that is so— Eww."

Kirsten was nestled in Sandy's lap, snuggled up against his chest and she was feeding him bits of pizza.

"That's our pizza," Ryan grumbled.

"Don't you keep food in here?"

"Rosa doesn't let me."

"Yeah. Don't cross Rosa. She almost has as much power in this house as Mom." Seth slapped the top of his legs with a loud thwack. "Okay. We're stuck in here, but we're not, because we have a key, and we've worked things out, so Dad won't lynch us if we open up. But," there was a lilt in Seth's voice, as if he were studying the Talmud. "The 'rents are on the verge of doing the nasty right there by the pool. But," Seth held up his finger. "We're hungry and the food is in there." He pointed to the house. "Ryan, I see no choice. We're going to have to face the disgusting snogging head-on so we can obtain provisions. We need a plan."

Sandy licked the tomato sauce off of Kirsten's fingers. "It's quiet in there. No thumping." He peeked out from around Kirsten's torso. "No blood splattered on the glass. It must be going well."

"You are so not funny, Sandy."

"I thought I was."

She leaned in and kissed him. "I won't be signing you up for an open mike night." She put both hands on his chest and pushed off of him. "Sandy, we have to talk seriously."

"I thought we were." He bent forward trying to kiss her again.

"Stop it. I'm serious," she said, putting on the same severe voice she used with the boys when she meant business.

Sandy sat up straighter to show he was listening.

"Did you hear the part before when Ryan said Seth was still being bullied."

Sandy sighed and nodded his head.

"What are we going to do about it? We can't keep letting Seth be a victim."

"I don't know. Obviously, working with the school administration hasn't been effective. Perhaps we should look at legal action. A civil suit? If there's enough evidence we might even consider talking to the DA and asking him to file criminal charges. But the burden of proof will be great and I don't know if we'd manage."

"Do you think that's a viable option? Is it wise?"

"We'd have to talk to Seth and see what he wants us to do. It's for him to decide."

Leaning her head against Sandy's chest, Kirsten said, "You're right. We'll have to discuss this with Seth. You are very wise, dear."

He stroked Kirsten's mane of blond hair. "Just call me doc."


	9. Chapter 9

Okay, off to finish the epilogue or last chapter or whatever. Thanks to **Sister Rose** for beta-ing.  
I don't own it.

* * *

"So, do we just walk out?" Seth had his hand on the door knob. He was staring through the glass windows of the pool house, studying his parents snuggling on the patio chairs. "Actually, they look kind of…" He searched for the right word. "Engaged. They probably won't notice us."

Ryan closed the drawer of his night table, key safe in hand and peered through the glass. "True. But our objective is the pizza, which is sitting on Kirsten's lap."

Seth smiled. He supposed he shouldn't be smiling, but there was a lot to smile about. Ryan didn't say "your mom." He and Ryan weren't fighting anymore. They were friends. They were a unit again. All felt right with the world. He could even stand being grounded, especially since he knew that Ryan would be joining him for his two- week sentence.

"Well, if they don't notice us leaving, we could grab the car keys and get a fresh pizza."

"But we're grounded."

Seth thought of the time his parents had grounded him after he had hid Ryan in the model home and it burned down. He'd been ready to bolt then, too, so he could visit Ryan on his own. Of course, he'd been caught.

"That's never really stopped me before."

Ryan chewed on his lip. "Okay. Works for me. Let's go."

Ryan walked to the door and stealthily opened it. They tiptoed out of the room together, heads down, and passed Kirsten and Sandy. They made it all the way to the kitchen door before they heard Sandy call out, "Freeze." Both boys stopped in their tracks and looked up sheepishly. "Sit." Sandy pointed to the empty chairs on the patio table.

Warily, the boys walked back and sat down across from their parents.

"You made up." It wasn't a question. It was a statement. Kirsten could see it in the boys' posture and facial expressions. Ryan was sitting up just a little straighter. The lines around his eyes weren't so pronounced. And while Seth's expression remained contrite, Kirsten noticed that the tension in his back and shoulders that had been so pronounced since early September wasn't there.

Seth and Ryan exchanged quick looks and turned their eyes back to Sandy and Kirsten.

"We're okay," Seth jumped in, when he saw Sandy's expectant face. "Copasetics."

"Good." Sandy resisted clapping his hands together with glee. He took a deep breath, wanting to ask about what was going on in school, for both boys, but wasn't sure how to approach the topic. Luckily, Kirsten took over the reins.

"Seth." Kirsten turned to her dark-haired son, trying not to ignore the fair-haired one. "Dad and I were discussing the bullying issue."

Seth's entire stance changed immediately. His back grew rigid. The muscles in his face dropped, turning mouth into a frown. Seth wanted to escape. He put his hands on the arms of the chair, pushing himself half off his seat. He got halfway up when his mother put out her hand, gently pushing him back down.

"We have to talk about this," she insisted. "I thought things were getting better at school. Why didn't you tell us?"

Seth snorted. "I didn't even want to tell you the first time. You just found out, but your intervening didn't work. It only made things worse."

Kirsten's face paled. "Worse?"

"People like Chip and his buddies just don't stop. They're not afraid of Dr. Kim or the coach or the guidance counselor."

"Then we'll have to find another solution," Sandy interrupted. "Mom and I were discussing the idea of getting the DA to possibly file criminal charges. I don't think we can meet the burden of proof to make the charges stick, but it would make a point. Or we can try civil charges. That will make Chip and his parents stand up and listen."

Seth stood up so fast that his chair toppled behind him, making a loud clattering noise. Ryan started at the noise. "You cannot be serious." He drew out the words, said them slowly and carefully. "Do you need to make my humiliation any more than it is? It's bad enough I'm a total outcast at school, but you want me to stand up in open court, for public record, and admit to everyone what an incredible dweeb I am?"

"Seth Ezekiel, you are not a dweeb. Don't you dare put yourself down like that!"

"Whatever. There is no way in hell we're going to sue." He spun on his heels and ran back into the house.

Kirsten stood to follow him, but Ryan stopped her. "I'll go talk to him."

"Ryan, it's okay. Sandy and I will take care of it. I know you feel some sort of misguided responsibility for this."

He shook his head. "I wish this wasn't happening to Seth, but it's not my fault. And it's not Seth's fault and it's not your fault either." He brought a finger to his mouth and absently chewed on the extra skin. "Not every problem has a solution. Sometimes you just need to ride things out."

Sandy absently rubbed Kirsten's back, trying to soothe her. He knew she wanted to go into the house and console Seth, possibly even coax him into some action against his tormentors, but Sandy heard what Ryan was saying and Sandy thought that perhaps Ryan was right.

"I'll go talk to him," Ryan repeated.

Kirsten's head bobbed up and down, showing them that she had heard Ryan, even if she wasn't yet convinced.

Ryan found Seth sitting up in his bed, legs stretched out before him. He balanced Captain Oats between his knees, stroking the muzzle of the plastic horse.

"I'm not going to do it. You won't change my mind."

"I wasn't planning to. It's a bad idea."

Seth jerked up his head. He'd thought Ryan had come into his room at his parents' bidding.

"You think?"

"It's not going to change things. At least not for you. Maybe for some kids after you. You know, give them courage to stand up or make a bully think twice. But it won't change anything for you."

Seth creased his forehead. Was Ryan trying one of those reverse psychology tricks? It wasn't Ryan's style, yet he couldn't imagine what Ryan was trying to do here.

"I'm not the one who's going to try and make a difference for the ages. I just want to be left alone, you know?"

Ryan nodded. He did know. He thought of the different boyfriends Dawn had brought home while he was growing up. A few times he had considered going to a teacher and asking for help, but he knew social services would get involved and that it would be a long, drawn-out process. Ryan had just wanted the bastards to leave his family alone. He didn't want to be a martyr and get them off the streets so they'd never hurt other kids.

"You think if they see we're a team again," he asked Seth, "that they'll leave you alone?"

Seth shrugged. "I told you, I don't want to be your project."

"And I told you, you're not my project. Aside from that beach party my second night in Newport, I never stood up for you."

"What was today?"

Ryan cocked his head to the side. "Revenge." He tapped the wall. "Look, last year, the bullying stopped naturally once we started to hang out together."

Seth shrugged noncommittally.

Ryan stepped further into the room and swung Seth's computer chair so that it faced the bed before sitting on it. He leaned forward. "I thought of a plan."

Seth scooped Captain Oats in his hand. "What sort of plan? Because I'm not getting up on any coffee carts to profess — or rather to announce that I won't take the bullying anymore."

"Nothing like that. More like helping the rumors along. You know, the ones where everyone is speculating where I was the first few months of school."

Seth nodded. He knew what Ryan was talking about. He had heard the whispers in the hall and the restrooms. The rumors were wild. Ssome were pretty far out and some close to the truth. A few of the kids had asked him about it, but he had never bothered to respond. Ryan's life wasn't any of their business.

"What rumor did you want to spread?"

Ryan's mouth spread into a wide devilish grin. "I thought we would expound on my criminal record. Let everyone think I was doing time again in juvie. Maybe this time it could be for something violent."

Seth laughed.

"We could get Lindsay in on it and Summer, too."

Seth's eyes grew wide.

"What?" Ryan protested. "She knows a lot of people. And it seems like she and Lindsay have become friends."

"So your plan," Seth said, sliding his backside up against his headboard, "is to let everyone think you were in jail. Then when we start hanging out again at school, you figure Chip and his goons will be afraid to hurt me."

Ryan nodded. "It's simple."

"And stupid."

Both boys jumped at the sound of Sandy's voice.

"You are not going to ruin your reputation for this. It could backfire on you. If some overzealous parent hears this, they might try to get you kicked you out of Harbor."

"But it isn't true," Ryan objected. "They wouldn't – couldn't win."

"I don't want to go through the hassle." He bore a hole through Ryan with his eyes. Satisfied that Ryan looked penitent, he turned to Seth. "We'll come up with a solution. Mom and I aren't going to force you into court if you don't want to handle it that way."

"Good. Because I wouldn't have agreed to it."

Sandy sighed. "I know this his hard for you, but cut the attitude, Seth. It's not called for."

Seth nodded briefly but didn't apologize. He stood up and walked across the room and stopped in front of his CD collection. "Look, Dad, I appreciate that you and Mom want to help me. I know you just want what's best for me. But I really wish that you'd just leave me alone to deal with this. Really. You and Mom already tried to intervene and it just made a mess of everything."

Sandy sighed again. He hated seeing Seth so downtrodden and beaten. So resigned to just living with the bullying.

"It's just school, Dad. In two more years, I'll be out of Harbor. I can start over in college, and you know, who cares? In a few years, Saunders will be miserable working for his daddy, trying to please, and I'll be getting richer than Bill Gates. But most important, I'll be happy. I'll have my family."

Seth threw a quick look at Ryan over his shoulder and immediately turned his attention back to his CDs, trying to hide the color that was rushing to his face.

"I just can't leave it like this, Seth. Not when I know you're getting hurt. I'm sorry I didn't always know."

"Sandy," Ryan broke in, his soft voice delicately slicing through the tension in room. "Maybe for now we can do nothing. Let's see how it goes at school the next couple of weeks. I'm pretty sure things will be different if Seth and I stick together."

Sandy swiveled around to face Ryan. "I told you, I don't want you to start sending around ridiculous rumors about being in jail while you were really in Chino."

"And I promised you I wouldn't." Ryan retorted, using the same clipped tone that Sandy had used with him. "But everything you've done so far has made it worse for Seth, and everything you've proposed will definitely make it worse. Let's just try to do nothing for now."

Sandy leveled a finger at Ryan and then slowly moved it so that it pointed at Seth. "I know how the two of you can get when you team up. If I find out that you've decided to go through with this hair-brained scheme, you'll answer to your mother."

Ryan grinned, his lips spreading wide and his cheeks glowing. Seth turned around and moved to Ryan's side.

"Yes, sir," they chimed together.

Sandy narrowed his eyes, knowing that he was outnumbered and enjoying every moment of it.


	10. Epilogue

Wow. It's done! Thanks to **Sister Rose** for beta-ing. Thanks to**storymom** for her input. Blame them if you don't like the end. I asked them...  
I don't own it.

* * *

Ryan and Seth sat in the Range Rover in middle of Harbor's parking lot. The sun was beating down on them through the glass, causing Seth to narrow his eyes into tiny slits. He needed to invest in a pair of sunglasses. Seth and Ryan watched the students climb out of their designer cars, some stopping to talk to a group of friends, while others bowed their heads, hugging books to their chest and scurrying into Harbor's main building. Neither Seth nor Ryan was eager to join the crowds.

Finally, Seth broke the silence and said, "Dad will kill you if you let people think that you were in juvie when you were really in Chino."

Ryan tapped the door handle. "_If_ he finds out."

Seth shook his head. "He always finds out. He has this way about him. It's crazy. It's like parents have an inborn lie detector. Of course, when it comes to you, you don't need one." He turned to Ryan. "You're the worst liar ever. But I'm pretty good at it. After all, I am Caleb Nichol's grandson. Still, Mom and Dad always manage to know when I'm stretching the truth. It boggles –"

"Seth! I get the point. And Sandy won't find out. I promise."

"It's not a good idea. I'd rather face Chip Saunders for the rest of my life than witness Dad tearing you apart for disobeying his orders. Have you noticed how his chest was all puffed out this morning at breakfast? And how he sat at the head of the breakfast table – since when do we all sit around the table for breakfast? – like father knows best?" Seth shook his head so that a curl fell into his eyes. "He's way too excited about our sudden rec-" Seth stopped abruptly. "Well, we weren't exactly fighting and I don't know what we should call it."

Ryan tilted his head to the side, waiting to see when Seth would run out of breath. He hoped it would be before the bell rang for homeroom.

"Anyway," Seth continued, not bothering to wait for Ryan's answer. "When Dad feels confident that all is well with his family, he becomes a bear to deal with. Watch it. Tonight, at dinner, he's going to want to know what we did in school. How our classes are going? He's going to make at least one comment about my chewing and talking at the same time-"

"Because it's gross, Seth. And I get your point already. Sandy's happy and Sandy's going to be really pissed if I go against him. I won't do it. We'll just have to find another way to deal with Saunders and his friends."

Ryan sighed. He wanted to help Seth, but didn't know how, short of decking Saunders, and that had not gone over too well the other day. He was lucky Sandy and Kirsten had been too wrapped up in the problem between him and Seth to remember to get back to his problem at school.

He was also thrilled with how the tension had finally relaxed at the Cohens'. He could finally start calling it home again. It hadn't been home since Sandy had dragged his scrawny behind off the construction site in Chino. He didn't know how long it would last, but just for a while, Ryan thought it would be nice to please Sandy and Kirsten and do what they asked, instead of going against their wishes.

He'd find another way.

"Look," Ryan finished. "Why don't we just get out of the car and go to class? I'll meet up with you at PE?"

"Sounds like a plan."

"Then we'll eat lunch together."

"Great. And I'll meet up with you after dismissal and we can go home together," Seth added.

"But I have detention after school."

"I'll wait. I can do my homework in the library."

"You can go home. I wouldn't mind."

Seth shrugged. "Nah. I don't mind." He pulled the keys out of the ignition. "Home equals grounded. It's a sad, sad day when I actually say this out loud, but right now I prefer school."

"Definitely a sad day." Ryan opened the door and swung his legs around so he could start climbing out. He paused for a moment and then turned around briefly, where he caught Seth exiting on his side. He wished he knew a full-proof way to stop the bullying, but deep down he knew it might not stop.

That was when he caught a glimpse of Summer and Lindsay walking together. They were in the midst of an animated conversation. Lindsay's red hair was glinting in the sun. She looked relaxed and happy. So did Summer. He knew that he and Seth together would make things a little better, but the four of them as a team…. There were no hard and fast solutions, but Trey had drilled it into him growing up in Chino, there was always safety in numbers. Always make sure you have a crew.

"Hey, Seth," Ryan broke the silence. "Let's go catch up with the girls."

Seth followed Ryan's gaze. "I don't know, Ryan. Summer and I…" His voice trailed off. "I'm not sure where we stand."

"Well, if you want to make things better, you need to start as friends again. I think she wants to be your friend. Why else would she have let herself get so close to your aunt?"

Our aunt, Seth wanted to correct. But Seth knew that Ryan's interest in Lindsay was more than friendly. Reminding him of the familial connection would be cruel. "You make a good point. Okay, let's go."

They each slammed their car doors, hoisted their book bags over their shoulders and walked up to the girls.

Two weeks passed quickly. Seth and Ryan went out to a movie followed by a late-night snack at the diner to celebrate the end of their grounding, though they still owed Kirsten a clean attic and garage. They hadn't been allowed online for the entire two weeks. Kirsten had gone so far as to unplug the router, so only Sandy's computer could go online -- so Ryan wasn't sure if the Internet taunting had stopped. He was afraid to ruin things by bringing it up, because things had been going so well between him and Seth. Finally, he decided to take the plunge.

"So, Seth, when I was back in Chino, did you ignore my e-mails because you were just trying to stay clear of the computer?" Ryan leaned back in his chair, watching Seth's reaction. He saw Seth sink in the bucket seat.

"No," he replied, shaking his head. "I told you, I was embarrassed you'd find out about everything. It's stupid, I know."

"Has it gotten better? Saunders steers clear during PE." Ryan sipped his soda. He should have asked for caffeine-free. He'd probably be up all night.

"It's fine. Not perfect, but a million times better." Seth slid forward, pushing his plate out of the way. "I know how gay this is going to sound, but just knowing you're here. Just knowing you're willing to have my back makes all the difference."

Seth would never tell Ryan, but having Ryan close by made him feel like he could stand on his own two feet. He could handle Saunders and Saunder-like jocks on his own, when he knew he and Ryan was on his side.

"It's been fun again at school hanging out with a posse," Seth continued. "Summer and I are doing great as friends and Lindsay's cool. She likes you."

Red rushed to Ryan's cheeks.

"You like her too."

Ryan played with the packets of sugar in the center of the table, avoiding making eye contact with Seth.

"Mom would get over the sister thing eventually."

Ryan shrugged. "I know. But you're changing the subject. Are you being harassed on your e-mail? IMs? Chat rooms?"

"Don't you remember Mom making a big show of pulling the router out and putting a halt to our time online? I know you were there, because your jaw hit the ground as fast and as hard as mine. I for one thought we should get a pass on this whole grounding thing, given that we managed to bury the hatchet and put all these awful months behind us."

"You're doing it again, Seth."

Seth threw up his hands. "Doing what?"

Ryan sighed. "Changing the subject." He threw a packet of sugar at his brother. "Come on, answer the question already."

Seth scooped the sugar packet off the table and tore the top open. He spilled the sugar out onto his plate and then started to shred the paper in front of him. To Ryan's surprise, he wasn't answering right away. "To tell you the truth, I don't know. I haven't been online. I tried to sneak, but mom caught me. And I sort of welcomed the reprieve. It doesn't matter anymore. I can handle it. I really can."

Ryan believed him. "Okay. But if you can't, you come to me. Or Sandy or Kirsten."

"Yeah. I will."

They held each other's eyes, not saying anything. The silence was interrupted by Summer's lilting voice.

"There you are, Cohen. Your mother said you were out on parole and that we might find you here."

Both boys looked up to see Summer and Lindsay standing on top of them. Ryan and Seth scooted over, so that there was room for the girls on either side of them. Lindsay immediately slid in beside Ryan, and to Ryan's amusement, Summer sidled up rather snuggly to Seth's side. It looked like she was starting to do more than forgive Seth for the summer's misadventures.

"Thank goodness, we can finally hang out outside of school. You bozos better toe the line at home, or you'll have to answer to us, not only to Kirsten." Summer's voice carried over the din in the restaurant.

"Well, if Lindsay is at all like her sister, I'm afraid," Ryan answered.

Lindsay smacked him. "You better be afraid, buster. Getting our lab reports done without e-mail or phone access was trying. On top of that you had detention."

"Well, it's all over." Ryan curled his lip in amusement. "We can work on the lab reports whenever."

Lindsay ran a hand over Ryan's chest and walked her fingers up to his hair, raking them through the tousled locks.

"Good, because I was definitely pulling more than my share."

"Oh. Yeah?" Ryan grabbed Lindsay's wrist. "Are you sure about that?" Giggling, Lindsay nodded, holding fast to her opinion. "Really?" He lifted the arm he had captured and used his other hand to tickle her where he knew it would make her go wild. "Are you still going to say that?"

Lindsay was laughing so hard, trying to writhe out of Ryan's firm grip, that she could barely catch her breathe. Summer leaned into Seth and let him wrap a protective arm around her.

"You wouldn't torture me like that, would you, Cohen?"

"Never." He shook his head solemnly and then crept his fingers under Summer's chin and started to tickle. She laughed wildly, scooting out of Seth's reach. But he followed.

Some of the other customers turned to see what the spectacle was about. Some shook their heads and rolled their eyes, thinking "Teenagers today." Others just smiled, amused by the display and enjoying the innocence of youth.

Fin.


End file.
